Bachelor Recap: This Juan Was a Doozy

Juan Pablo and Clare on The Bachelor

This week we got two episodes on two different nights: back-to-back drama. But the second episode had enough drama for 10 telenovelas and then some. Seriously, I’m still processing it.

Here’s what went down:

The three ladies and Juan Pablo head to St. Lucia for some time together under the sun. If you’ve never watched The Bachelor, this is the part of the show where the contestants get to decide at the end of their date if they want to spend some more alone time in a fantasy suite together, or if they want to return to their separate rooms.

The first date is with Clare. “If you would have told me a year ago that I’d be in St. Lucia with the man of my dreams I would have never believed you…” I’ve never understood this expression. WHO would tell you that? Are you hanging out with psychics?

Anyway, they take a boat ride to an even bigger boat where they’re just hanging out and jumping into the water and being super touchy feely. During this time, Clare tells the camera that she isn’t sure yet if she’ll be taking him up on the offer of the fantasy suite – which makes sense, given that she was totally slut-shamed by Juan Pablo earlier in the season when she went swimming in the ocean and things went down. “Back in Vietnam, we went swimming in the ocean, and that made him feel uncomfortable…” she states. We gotta say, “swimming in the ocean” is a pretty awesome euphemism for sex.

After their day on the boat, they head to dry land and change and meet for drinks and to decide on said fantasy suite. Clare has on one of the best dresses to date (Seriously, the entire wardrobe thus far has been a bit Charlotte Russe with a touch of Bebe circa 2006) and Juan Pablo is pretty pumped at the idea of being in a suite with her. “We get to know each other better… a lot better,” he says with a smile. (Cue a creepy wink.) Clare admits that she’s “loving falling in love” with Juan Pablo and they make out some more, per usual.

When the invite arrives, Clare struggles to put into words why she’s not entirely sure about the suite and Juan Pablo can’t stop touching her neck and ears when she’s talking. She makes sure they’re on the “same page” about setting an example for Camila before deciding to accept the suite. “He’s the man I want to have babies with,” she says. I think I speak for all of Bachelor nation when I say: ew.

They then head to the Jacuzzi (SOMEONE COVER CAMILA’S EYES!) and then it’s lights out. We hope that if they went for a “swim in the ocean” they kept it safe with a “life jacket” because you probably don’t want a baby with Juan Pablo just yet, Clare.

Find out about his second overnight on page 2 >>