Bachelor Recap 4: Juan Huge Mistake

ABC

Next up, it’s another group date. A bunch of girls head out to explore Seoul with Juan Pablo, and activities range from having a fish pedicure (where the fish literally eat the dead skin off your feet) to eating octopus. Clare turns into a stage 5 clinger, holding onto Juan Pablo at every given moment. When it comes time to eat octopus, she makes a huge scene and doesn’t want to do it.

“This is the epitome of my fears,” she says, which if eating octopus is as bad as it gets for you, you’re doing alright.

“Of all things to not want to eat, it’s octopus? You can get that in an Italian restaurant down the street in Chicago,” Alli says.

“Her piece was literally this big,” Kelly says, making a tiny gesture. “And I know you've swallowed bigger things than that.” ZING. We have a feeling Kelly would be really great at making fun of The Bachelor, you know, if she wasn’t a contestant on The Bachelor.

Later in the night, the girls have kissing on their minds. But Juan Pablo isn’t budging: he’s determined that he doesn’t want to kiss anyone on this date, because he wants to get to know the girls better and he doesn’t want “Camila to see me kiss 20 girls.” But half of them is OK? AND WHO IS LETTING A CHILD WATCH THE BACHELOR? DO WE NEED TO CALL CPS?

Anywho, Renee is obviously saddened by the fact that she doesn’t get a kiss. “He’s handsome and adorable and smells really good.” Yep, that’s our checklist, too, Renee, so we get it.

Andi just chillaxes with him and jokes with him and Juan Pablo says she “gets his humor,” and he comes close to breaking his own rule by saying how much he wants to kiss her. But he stops himself and just holds her hand.

Lauren, the piano player, breaks America’s hearts when she goes in for the kiss and he rejects her, causing her to (obviously) feel stupid and tear up. Juan Pablo holds her and tells her it’s OK.

“I explained to her I’m not here to kiss everybody. I feel horrible.” YOU SHOULD FEEL HORRIBLE JUAN PABLO YOUR EXCUSES ARE STUPID.

“Why’d I do that? I’m a f*cking idiot,” Lauren says.

Clare has her time with Juan Pablo, and HE KISSES HER. YES, YOU READ THAT RIGHT. Shame on you, Juan Pablo. “I know I said I wasn’t going to kiss anyone, but she is sexy.” Ay, esta hombre.

Even though he makes out with her, he ends up giving the rose to Andi, which causes Clare’s eyes to basically bug out of her head.

Find out who goes home on page 5 >>

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