Bachelor Recap: Who's Going to be the One for Juan Pablo?

ABC

“I don’t like hurting people,” Juan Pablo says to Chris Harrison, aka The Bachelor God. It’s OK Juan, no one can hate you­. (Resenting you, however, is still on the table.) 

From there it’s an endless slew of girls pouring out of limos or pushing pianos, per usual. Here are some highlights:

Cassandra from Rochester, MI definitely gets the approval from Juan Pablo, who literally has no words for a good minute while standing just staring at her. “Holy Moly.”

Christine is from Miami Florida and brings a gift for his daughter – a bracelet that says Camila. Tugging at the heart strings--well played, Christine.

Nikki, the pediatric nurse, has Juan Pablo listen to her heartbeat to see how nervous and excited she is. She’s not the only one: he tells them to call off the limos. (We think he just might be overwhelmed with names at this point, but who knows.)

Kat, 29, asks Juan Pablo to teach her how to salsa. (Smart move, Kat.) They start moving, BUT WHAT IS THAT MUSIC THAT STARTS PLAYING?! That is NOT salsa music, ABC producers. Get it together.

Chantel, 29, tells him how to pronounce her name. It’s pretty much exactly how it’s spelled.

Victoria, 24, is from Brazil. He tells her he speaks a bit of Portuguese. “You help me with my Spanish, I’ll help you with your Portuguese.”

Lucy, 24, comes out rocking a FLOWER CROWN. She’s hippie and looks 13 and her occupation is “free spirit.” She actually says: “I didn’t wear shoes because I didn’t want to be too tall,” to which Juan Pablo replies: “You can be tall, you can be small, it’s fine.” HE DOESN’T DISCRIMINATE, AND LOVE IS WHAT HIPPIES ARE ALL ABOUT, RIGHT? I don’t know, this could be the one that surprises us aka the one producers definitely keep around to see what crazy antics she'll do on screen.

Lauren S., a 26-year-old music composer, literally pushes a piano up the driveway to play a song for him. She’s so nervous, she forgets to tell him her name before walking in. Juan Pablo rushes back in to get it, making everyone at home (and the girls in the mansion) love him even more. Even though he’ll definitely forget it. (Sorry, Danielle. We mean Lauren. We mean, whatever.)

You might think that things couldn’t get more awkward or embarrassing, but that’s where you’d be wrong. Chelsea, the “silly” girl from Ohio, plays like she’s going to show him a science experiment, then throws the test tubes away. “Why don’t WE just have chemistry?” Aw sweetie. Don’t you know the ultimate introduction is walking out of a limo and being pretty? Literally, that’s the biggest trick.

But nothing could be worse than Clare, 32, who comes out with a “pregnant” belly and hints at them having children in the future. Too soon, Clare, too soon.

Alexis, a 25-year-old Cubana, greets him in Spanish.

Sharleen, 29, is originally from Germany and lives in Ottowa, Canada. She’s an opera singer and is pretty much like Audrey Hepburn incarnate.

Andi, the prosecutor, arrives on the scene and Juan Pablo’s eyes bulge out of his head. (He says three wows before she even speaks.)

Side note: Juan Pablo may not remember their names, but he will probably remember their asses, as he makes sure to check out the behind of every. Single. Lady who enters the mansion. Juan knows what he likes, we suppose!

See what the girls do to snag him (and who goes home!) on page 4 >>

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