Bachelor Recap: Who's Going to be the One for Juan Pablo?

ABC

Chelsea, from Columbus, Ohio is 24. “I’ve been looking for that right match, but he just hasn’t come along yet.” OMG YOU HAVEN’T FOUND YOUR SOULMATE AT 24, CHELSEA? That’s absurd. (Side note: Have you watched Sex and the City? You seem like a girl who would watch SATC.) But let’s move on… She’s then seen practicing her Spanish with a friend, we’re sure making her 8th grade Spanish teacher feel really great that she doesn’t remember a single thing from their entire year together. “Hola Pablo! Me llamo Chelsea,” she says confidently. YOU GOT THIS.

Renee, 32, from Sarasota, Florida, has two things going for her immediately: she lives in Florida, and she is a single mom to her son. We instantly feel like she’s a huge contender, but will Juan Pablo think so? “He’s really my type. He’s super attractive.” We’d go out on a limb and say that’s everyone’s “type” but we like you, Renee so we’ll let that slide.

Next up we see Andi, 26, in a courtroom that feels like we’re on the low-budget set of Judge Judy. She’s a prosecutor in Atlanta, Georgia, and is devoted to helping her community. “I haven’t really come to terms with the fact that I’ll be dating the same guy as 24 other girls,” she says with a frown. Hate to break it to you Andi, but he'll actually be talking to 26 other girls, as they added two to the original 25 because apparently everyone wants Juan Pablo.

Amy J., 31 from Los Angeles is massage therapist. She’s shown on top of a man “working out” his muscles. (The happy ending puns just write themselves, don’t they?) “I think of myself as an artist.” She then says she made Juan Pablo breakfast and pretends her fork is an airplane, because she's apparently under the impression that Juan Pablo is two. (Side note: she wants to date a baby? That’s gross.)

Nikki, 26, is a pediatric nurse from Kansas City, Missouri. (So she likes helping babies, not dating them.) She’s adorable. Next.

Lauren H., 25, is from Oklahoma and was dating a man a year ago who proposed, then told her it was over. She even had a wedding dress.

Valerie, 26, is from a farm town in California and describes herself as very competitive. “Not only am I a pretty girl, but I’m not afraid to file these [nails] down and scratch some eyeballs,” she says. What a sweetie, and modest too.

Lacy, 25, is from La Jolla, California and comes from a family of 13 with nine of them having special needs. “You have to be tender with the kind of love you give them,” she says. When she was 20, she opened her first elderly care facility. If you’re feeling like a terrible person right about now, we think that’s the point.

Clare, 32, from Sacramento is part Mexican and announces it proudly to the cameras. She dealt with losing her dad from brain cancer, and he left a DVD for her future husband to watch. Cue the tears.

On top of that, her abuela sees a picture of Juan Pablo and says what we’re all thinking, “I wouldn’t mind having someone like that in the family.”

LIMO TIME!

Read what happens at the mansion on page 3 >>