Bachelor Recap: Everybody Wants Juan-on-One Time

ABC

Chelsie gets picked up for her one-on-one date, and they eat a bunch of Venezuelan food (AREPAS!) before heading out to a bridge. A BRIDGE. TO BUNGEE JUMP.  

“She’s freaking out, Chelsie is freaking out. I’m freaking out too,” Juan Pablo tells the camera.

At this point I’d like to point out that his first date with Clare was building a snowman and hanging out in a hot tub and now he’s asking a girl (who admits she is scared of heights) to JUMP OFF A BRIDGE WITH HIM. I didn’t think it could get worse than asking a girl to run a 5k on the first date, but you’ve proven me wrong Juan Pablo. (What’s his mami’s phone number? I’d like to talk about the kind of man she’s raised.)

Chelsie is super nervous (rightfully so) and Juan Pablo assures her the best way he knows how: “Do it for me.”

WHAT? EXCUSE ME? Ladies, if a man asks you to jump off a bridge FOR HIM, you should back up and reevaluate your life, your choices, everything.

Then he says other, more normal things and she’s reassured and they JUMP! THEY JUMP OFF A BRIDGE. “I fucking jumped off a bridge. Oh my god,” Chelsie says. Exactly.

The best part is that they kiss upside down, giving Spiderman a run for his money. “I’m proud of you for talking me off that ledge,” Chelsie tells him, which really messes with that metaphor because talking someone off a ledge does not mean encouraging them to jump but OKAY GUYS WHATEVER YOU’RE BOTH ADORABLE AND BLONDE.

They then go to city hall in Pasadena for a romantic dinner and talk about their fears and children (because Chelsie’s a teacher) and Juan Pablo says she’s definitely “maternal” so sorry Elise, your opinion is obviously not in line with Juan Pablo’s. Then they hear music and boom, it’s Billy Currington giving them a private concert, and Juan Pablo is singing and HE LIKES COUNTRY MUSIC? And all things are weird and beautiful and Chelsie, Juan Pablo says, is “really fun” and she “just loves life. She’s wife material. She’s a keeper.” AW SNAP, CHELSIE JUST RAISED THE BAR EVERYONE.

Obviously, Chelsie gets a rose.

See the last bit of craziness and who gets a rose on page 5 >>

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