Bachelor Recap: Everybody Wants Juan-on-One Time

ABC

Back at the date, they arrive at Juan Pablo’s “house” to fix dinner. Juan Pablo is going to make his “secret” pasta. Cassandra mentions for the second time that this is her first date in three years, which isn’t that surprising considering she has a two-year-old and is 21, but I guess we’re supposed to think things like, OMIGOD HOW IS SHE GOING TO DEAL WITH JUAN PABLO? SHE’S BEEN OUT OF THE GAME FOR SO LONG?!

To make her feel comfortable, Juan Pablo does a very Juan Pablo thing and just starts dancing with her. Beause that makes everyone comfortable. They eat and Juan Pablo asks if she knows what this chocolate is he’s holding and she says a “malted milkball,” and he has no idea what that is and can you say CULTURE CLASH? how will they ever make it?! But she then pulls out pictures of her kid and they have that parenting bond and Juan Pablo announces that she’s a “good mom,” which we’re not sure carrying around pictures of your kid automatically qualifies you as a good parent, but OK we’ll go with it. He keeps saying she’s very beautiful, so he’s obviously attracted to her – along with everyone else in the house.

Back at the house, everyone gets a card stating they’ll be going on a group date – well, all of them but the two blonde teachers, Elise and Chelsie. They head out to  play soccer. Sharleen doesn’t understand the TV show she’s on and says, “I’m going on my first date with Juan Pablo with 10 other girls.” Yep, that’s how group dates work, Sharleen.

The limo drives out on the field and all the girls get hot and bothered looking at how hot and sweaty Juan Pablo is. Alli has a bit of an advantage, she acknowledges, as she’s played soccer her whole life. They get into the game, and some girls are a bit more competitive than others, and Sharleen gets hit. Twice.

After playing, they change for a cocktail party on the field and all get a bit of alone time with Juan Pablo. Nikki says she feels pressure to have a short conversation, and Juan Pablo assures her that he likes her because he calls her “sexy” and that he likes her tattoo. OBVIOUS CONNECTION.

Andi says things got “serious” for her today, and makes out with Juan Pablo. “That kitchen was a hot kitchen,” she says and sorority houses across the U.S. giggle.

Nope, still gets weirder on page 3 >>

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