I seem to have a crazy ex-girlfriend problem. La Loca can't seem to figure out it was for real when my boyfriend of a year dumped her crazy ass two years ago. The woman moved to LA from Chicago in an RV and parked it five minutes away from my boyfriend's place. She's doing her best to get him to give her a second chance and sabes que? I can't take it anymore!
She stalks me on all things social and I've had to block her because she's just a bug-a-boo all the way around. Apparently she's been diagnosed bipolar. My man has been trying to use kid gloves with her, but I'm over being nice. It's time to get real. She keeps telling him she'll cook for him and can help him with "anything" and I wish I could just be like "Vieja, keep it moving!"
I would love to have you and your brill mind weigh in on how to handle this situation in a classy way...and the ghetto alternative.
Dear Mz. Biz,
This reads like the pitch for a new reality show, mujer. You know that, right?
Obviously, you've got a lot going on here and I'm pretty sure you'd have set things right already if a mental illness weren't part of the equation. I mean, it's not like you have a problem expressing your feelings, chica, and I say that with all the respect in the world.
But let's get real here. While I commend your boyfriend for trying to do what he thinks is right with the kid gloves, you both need to remember you cannot ever let someone else's perception define your reality. Do you read Humans of New York? I'm a huge fan and posts like this one are exactly why. The Ex may quite well need professional help, but it's on her to take responsibility for herself.
So how do you handle this? The ghetto alternative you asked for is to say everything to her in person you've had running through your mind since she showed up, but we both know you're not heartless. So vent when you can to let off steam (like your letter to me!) because it's normal and totally human. The classy way? Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. No matter what you might want to say to her, it's his job to set the ex straight in a calm and matter-of-fact manner as many times as is necessary. Lastly, call The Depressionand Bipolar Support Alliance for advice from a trained peer specialist (800-826-3632).
If he balks, ask him how he'd feel if it was your crazy stalker ex in an RV on your front lawn. That might be all you need to say. --- Perspective is a beautiful thing.
Pauline Campos is Latina Magazine's #DIMELO advice columnist. Email her your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org. Connect with her on her blog, www.aspiringmama.com and follow her on twitter: @pauline_campos.