I've been dating this guy for two months and he calls me sweet names when I'm with him. He's also always nice to me, especially when I sleep over his house. I think I'm falling in love but I don't want to say anything too early. He hasn't asked me to officially be his girlfriend yet and I'm starting to wonder. Am I being used? Or is he just slow in the commitment department? What do you think?
Well? Okay. But you asked me, so you can't get mad when I tell you my husband is really nice to me on the days he's really hoping for sex so OF COURSE THIS GUY IS USING YOU!
Okay, now that we got that outta the way, m'ija, please let's think this through together, shall we? You say you love him but wonder if he's using you, are aware (Gracias a Dios) that he is extra sweet and calls you nice things when you sleep over, and yet he hasn't committed. There's a very slight chance (like a snowball's in hell, since we're being honest here) that he could maybesortapossibly be a bit nervous about officially asking you to be his girlfriend but seeing as you're the snowball and a chance at a solid relationship not based on sex is hell in this comparison, I'm going to have to recommend you repack your overnight bag and haul it out of Desperation Blvd.
Seriously. It's for the best.
You, my dear, are not an idiot. While hope clings eternal and all that jazz, reality can pack a pretty solid punch when trying to get our attention. I've been where you are. His name was Anthony and he was a firefighter and he was oh-so-very-nice-to-look-at and he liked the sex and I let his pretty self distract me from things like my self-respect and dignity while I sighed my way through each day wondering when Anthony would, you know, stop being an a-hole.
Here's the thing, though. It never happened. That saying about the free milk and passing on forking over the dough for the cow may be slightly crude, but it also makes sense. Why commit to a girl who has already given him what he doesn't have to bother working for anymore? Until you pull back on the reins and *ahem* put a stop to the free ride, he's just going to keep you wondering because he things he can.
That means it's time for you to rewrite the story, girlfriend. In the new version you are strong and sure and confident and maybe you'd like to have a man around but you sure as hell don't need to have one around. Why? Because real men love a challenge and confident women are never easy. Just as The Husband. We're married because I made him wait and because he thinks I look cute when I'm pissed off. Remember Anthony?
Yeah, me neither. -- Confidence is the game changer
Pauline Campos is Latina Magazine's #DIMELO advice columnist. Email her your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org. Connect with her on her blog, www.aspiringmama.com, facebook ,instagram, and follow her on twitter: @pauline_campos.