Our Abuelitas Mouth Off!

I am a young Latina with a 74-year-old roommate—my grandmother!  My abuela is quite the character. She can stroll into the house after Sunday Mass and easily toss a string of vulgarities at me, well, just because.

One day we were waiting to order some fast food when an employee accidentally spilled soda on her feet. The earth stopped moving. I knew this was one of her pet peeves, and when you piss my abuelita off, you best run for cover. She threw her hands up in the air dramatically (sound familiar?) and yelled, in Spanish, “Spilling something on my feet is like sending me to the Devil!” before storming out. I was mortified at the time but I look back on it as one of the funniest moments ever. We still have a good laugh about it.

Perhaps not all Latina grandmothers are as expressive, but when we asked our Facebook fans about their Latina grandmother’s funniest quips, we were overwhelmed with the amount of responses.

Here are some of our favorites:

“An umbrella toppled over at the beach.  She then blurted out in Spanish, ‘Pick it up with your toenails’ to a man who hadn’t cut his nails in a while.  Hehehe.” – María Eugenia Miranda

“When I was pregnant for the first time, she shook her head and said it was going to hurt very, very bad!” – Tarah Trevino

“Grandma: (In Spanish) ‘Change that shirt!  They’re going to think you’re selling grapefruits!’  Me: ‘It’s a bathing suit!’ – lol.” – Bella Curtis

“Close your legs and open a book.” – Courtney Burks 

“Grandma: ‘Don’t ever have children!  They ruin your life!’  Me: ‘Really?  But you had 7 kids!!!’  Grandma: ‘I was stupid!’  Me: ‘LOL.’” – Amanda Dime

“‘Mija I love when you visit, but don’t come when I’m watching my novelas.’  Lol.” – Christy Martinez-Garcia

“When I was little she would smile & say to me, ‘I hate children.’  I would answer, ‘So do I.’  Then we would laugh.” – L Griffin Goodson

“She told my friend, ‘Monica what happened to you?  You’ve gained so much weight that your neck has sunken into your body.’” – Evelyn Christina Hernandez Sarabia

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