“I don’t need to get married to have a kid! As a matter of fact, I’m going to go make one right now. Be right back.”
“It’s simple. I didn’t like her food, so I expressed that to her… just sayin!”
“I KNOW I’m the best – thanks for telling me something I already know.” This = the complete opposite of humility.
“I’m not teaching my kids Spanish. It’s sooo overrated.”
“I’m pregnant and I don’t know who the father is.”