Happy New Year! So, you finally made it through the holidays, mommy’s comida, tons of shopping and a little extra weight gained; well over the holidays I met with a young lady who is a newlywed and who I had not seen in a while. We got to talking about her marriage and of course with great enthusiasm, I asked “How do you like being a wife?" As she began to answer, she let out a huge sigh and responded “well, to be honest, it is so much work and I feel like I sort of lost part of my identity.” I immediately understood how she was feeling because I too once felt the same way. If you have ever been married or lived with someone for a long period of time, I am sure on some level you can relate.
When I first became married, I had just finished filming the movie Freedom Writers. I felt like “this was my moment,” I was going to immediately become this huge movie star. Unfortunately, things did not turn out the way I had envisioned. God had other plans for me; my new job would be “The House Wife of the Bronx”. Allow me to paint the picture.
For the first time in my life, I had stayed home from work while my husband brought home the “bacon.” At first it was exciting to not have the responsibility to work, as I had worked since the age of fourteen. I would wake up, work out, clean, cook and have dinner ready by six o’clock on the dot every evening. I was becoming the Puerto Rican “Martha Stewart.” However, after a couple of months of the same routine, I had become anxious and very uncomfortable with the idea that I was becoming a house wife. I mean, I was a movie star not a house wife? I was confident that cooking, cleaning, washing dishes until my skin became dry like the Sahara Dessert, was not the role I had signed up for.
One day, yes one of those days, I opened my refrigerator and a plate of small tomatoes fell on the floor; it scattered all over the place and I lost my mind! I am not sure if I was “PMS’ing”, but I just dropped to my knees and began crying. I felt as if I could identify with the tomatoes, I felt completely scattered. As weird as it may sound, after about a minute I gathered myself, my thoughts and took a long breath. I had to take a step back and really examine why I was having such a hard time being a wife.
Sometimes women go into marriage thinking the man will serve as their prince charming all the time and they will live in complete Bliss. My husband is an amazing man. The issue wasn’t him, it was me. For those first six months I did not realize that God was trying to open my eyes and allow me to see that there is honor in honoring my husband. My identity was not being compromised; it was actually evolving and helping me to become a mature and complete WOMAN! Once I grasped the notion that taking care and managing the home was not a negative thing, but instead my way of showing appreciation and love for my husband, I became excited because I knew my actions made him feel like a King and I his Queen.
So ladies, I encourage those of you in a relationship, married or looking to get married, don’t be afraid to honor your partner as long as it is reciprocated. If you are one of the lucky ones to find your prince charming and he happens to still believe in chivalry and treats you like a Queen, make sure you return that honor by treating him like a King!