Those Weird Sex Dreams Mean More Than You Think

Those Weird Sex Dreams Mean More Than You Think

This article originally appeared on YourTango, By Phyllis Koch-Sheras and Peter Sheras

Bonus: How they can take you from sleepy-time to sexy-times in a flash!

Do you have difficulty talking to your partner about sex? Many people do.

In fact, research from E. Sandra Byers, Ph.D. at the University of New Brunswick shows that talking about sexual desires is challenging to people across all ages. As much as we think of younger people engaging in behaviors their parents would shake their heads at, the truth is that it’s still hard for everyone to talk about sex.

The question is, WHY is it so hard to share what we like with our sexual partners?

Self-consciousness and discomfort top the list of explanations for this phenomenon. It’s just plain awkward. We feel vulnerable. Then add in the fact that we aren't taught how to do it, and for many people, these discussions become even more challenging.

We have very little language at our disposal with which to talk about sex in a way that isn't either medical, euphemistic or crude.

MORE: What We Really Want Out of Sex

Unfortunately, this inability to speak openly about sex remains one of the greatest barriers to having sexually satisfying relationships. When you aren't able to share your desires with the person you are experiencing sex with, the chances of getting what you want in bed go from slim to virtually none.

This is one of those things in life that you can truly get past ONLY by finding a way to address your fears.

You simply must find the courage to tell your partner what you want.

Fortunately, there is an easy way to start doing this that comes to you every single night ... in your dreams!

Whether you remember in the morning or not, you do dream every night, and people often dream about sex. Dream interpretation of these unconscious thoughts provides a fun, exciting and novel way to discuss even the most awkward issues with your partner.

Sometimes dreams are metaphorical and filled with symbolism. Other times they are quite literal and you see yourself doing things you enjoy in your daily life — or that you are already aware you would like to enjoy if you could just find a way to share that with your partner. These are the things you've never done before that in the quiet of your mind, you really wish you could.

Below are 4 types of sexual dreams, what each one reveals, and how they can be shared with a partner.

1. Sexual dreams with other people that excite you.

Peggy* had the following dream: "I am listening to a man who is not my husband give a lecture. I feel very attracted to him and go over and kiss him. He is surprised but pleased. I then go to find my husband in order to get a ride back to my office because my own car has broken down. I can’t find him, and I feel upset with him about it."

What it means: Peggy’s back-story is that she has been married for many years. As she reflected on the dream, she realized she was more sexually assertive with her husband before they got married. Today, she relies on him to take care of her sexual needs. In this dream, her car symbolizes her dysfunctional sexual energy. This is a dream of insight, revealing to Peggy that a breakdown has occurred in her sex life with her husband.

Sharing a dream like this with your partner: Many people are afraid to share such dreams for fear of making their partner jealous. This fear can be overcome by seeing the dream as helpful information rather than as a threat. You and your partner can then learn a lot about each other and your relationship by paying attention to the sensations in the dream rather than to the people depicted. When you share in this way, the dream can be a stimulating and fun kick-start for both of you.

2. Sexual dreams with other people that scare you.

Maureen had the following dream: "I had a dream that Joe met someone else and was sexually attracted to her, so I confronted him. He made light of it, saying it was my problem. Then he said, 'This is over!'"

What it means: Sometimes you may be afraid to share a sexual dream for fear of it uncovering real problems or differences between you and your partner. This dream was a recurring one the dreamer had for years, and it wasn’t until her marriage was actually in trouble that she finally shared it with her husband.

Sharing it with your partner: Sometimes it takes a crisis to break through your fears of sharing a dream. Over time, the terror becomes so great that it takes on a life of its own. By finding the courage to share a dream that, like this one, points out to you your subconscious concerns about the status of your relationship, the truth can come out. Once it does, a couple otherwise moving towards a divorce or breakup may find a way to talk through their issues and rekindle their passion for each other.

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