"My Baby Daddy Offered To Shave My Pubic Hair For Me"

"My Baby Daddy Offered To Shave My Pubic Hair For Me"

It finally happened: I looked down at my toes one morning, and I couldn't see my vagina. My baby bump has expanded from an orange to a watermelon — and I’m only 19 weeks pregnant!

“Babe!” I yelled to my Boo in a panic. “I need your help!” 

He rushes to the bathroom, expecting to see me sprawled on the floor like the viejitas from the Life Alert commercials.

MORE: "My Pregnancy Boobs Still Aren't Big Enough For Boob Sex"

“What’s wrong?” he asks as I stare down at my toes. “Does something hurt?”

I look at him with sad puppy eyes. “I can’t shave my bikini line. I can’t trim my vagina. I can’t even see it,” I whined.

I’m sure many of you are wondering why I shave and trim my pepa like it’s the 1990s. Well, waxing regularly can get pretty expensive and time-consuming. Plus, there's the pain. I’ve waxed before, and the pain was unbearable. I cried bloody murder — and cursed out the esthetician. (Sorry Olga!) What can I say? I have a low threshold for pain! As you can imagine, I’m terrified that I won’t be able to cope with the pain of childbirth. But back to the issue at hand...

“The hair is just going to get worse,” I told my Boo. “Maybe I should braid it.” 

“No, no braiding your pubes,” he replied with a chuckle. “Don’t worry, I’ll shave it for you.”

And that’s when I knew he was The One.

I'm just kidding, of course, but there is something special about a man who will get down on his knees and shave your vagina for you. I actually know a couple who have been together for 20 years. I swear the secret to their relationship is that he shaves her vagina and even plucks the gray hair out of her pubes. This requires unconditional love and trust. If he doesn’t know how to maneuver a razor or an electric trimmer along the curves of your vagina, he might nick your lips and clit. That’s pussy massacre! Have you ever seen a cat with a butchered grooming job? Not pretty at all!

So, although I appreciate Boo’s devotion to me and my grooming needs, I demanded a demonstrations of his razor skills before he came anywhere near my pepa. Still, it’s nice to know that he has my back — and front. 

PLUS: "Why I Stopped Shaving — And How It Became A Tinder Nightmare"