Que? How Many People Did You Sleep With?!

Number Sexual Partners Conversation Advice

I used to boast about my number of sexual partners. For a long time that number was zero. While my friends were getting it on to the melodies of Blackstreet and Silk, I was tightening the lock on my chastity belt. No man shall enter until they prove they are worthy of my vagina! Or so I thought.

Fast forward to the day I did the deed, and the dude was just another chico who wanted to get in my panties. Once I got rid of my V-card, my number of sexual partners increased. It's difficult to keep your legs closed when you've tasted the dragon. Often times our genitals have a mind of their own. That’s also when I stopped bragging about my number. I could no longer count my bed buddies on one hand, therefore I refused to bring up the subject of past lovers. Honestly, I was ashamed. As women, we still walk a thin line between sexual liberation and slut shaming.

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The thing is, men will ask. He will cautiously blurt, “so how many people did you sleep with?” and knock you off your game. Here are some tips on what to say when he does:

Round Down: I don't mean you should lie completely. You shouldn’t tell him he’s only your second when he’s more like your 20th. Just don't give an exact count. Instead, use the power of mathematics and estimate. So if you've slept with, let's say, 18, round down to 10..ish.

Use Your Hands: And by using your hands I mean you should say something like, "It's less than two hands," and then flash him your jazz hands. If you make a joke about it (hand puppets, anyone?) he may let go of the topic altogether. 

Tell Him He's The Only One: He knows you're not a virgin, but often times, men ask for our number of sexual partners because they're insecure. He wants to be your best lover so tell him so. Say, "you're the only number that matters, baby," and seal it with a kiss.

Focus on Now: Tell him that this topic has nothing to do with your current relationship. You are with him, not el hombre you slept with when you were 21, or 22, or 23. You get the gist. If he doesn't let it go, his insecurities may be deeper than you imagined. It may manifest in different ways in your relationship, such as controlling behavior and emotional manipulation.

Reverse Psychology: Like Britney Spears, I’m sure your man isn’t that innocent. Unless he’s a virgin, he also has a past. So turn it around. Ask him what his number is. It may be a larger number than yours, or it may be minute. What matters is how you react. Be calm and nonchalant. Lead by example.

Get Tested: You should've done this already, but getting tested may ease his worries — especially if he is concerned about STDs. Be wise. Talk about it and make an appointment. Get tested as a couple, and put this conversation to bed.

PLUS: Is Mr. Right actually Mr. Wrong? Six dating deal breakers.

Sujeiry Gonzalez is a love and life coach and the owner of LoveSujeiry.com . The author of the newly released Dating RITE; Advice on Dating Woes from Your Go-to Chica and Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles (2012) is an on-air talent that’s been featured on Exitos 93.9FM, Telemundo, FYI, and many more.