For most, divorce brings up memories of arguments, visitations and an otherwise hostile environment. Bitterness can take a toll on your kids and your psyche. Instead of nipping this relationship in the bud, you’re angry and struggling with your new divorcee status.
How do you keep it moving without plotting your ex-spouse's demise? How do you finalize a divorce and keep it clean? Divorce experts Jeffrey Meshel and Gregory Frank share how to make divorce a little easier — and less hateful.
1. Divorce Tips: Don't Curse Them Out
Don’t curse out your ex.
You can mutter some dirty words under your breath, but refrain from speaking badly about your ex, especially in front of your kids. "The divorce will be finalized one day, and you’re going to need to co-parent together,” Frank says. So, when your ears are piping hot from anger ,fight the urge to bash your ex. It’ll do everyone involved a world of good.
2. Divorce Tips: Converse Face-To-Face
Converse face to face.
It’s easy to text your soon-to-be ex about your divorce and whatever else needs to be resolved. However, this scenario can lead to a bad case of miscommunication. Your ex replies two hours too late or you misconstrue his tone (and vice versa) — and suddenly, it’s an all-out texting war. That’s why Meschel advises separated partners to drop the technology and converse face to face.
3. Divorce Tips: Connect With A Divorcee
Connect with a divorcee.
But only those who have cordial relationships with their ex-husbands or wives! You don’t need to hang out with a Bitter Betty and commiserate in your misery. Instead, connect with the cool ex-couple that can be in the same room together and not throw major side-eye. Their amicable post-divorce relationship is the goal to attain.
4. Divorce Tips: Talk About Schedules
Talk about schedules.
If kids are involved, you'll have to co-parent and decide how visitation will work for your family. Meshel and Frank suggest working this out outside of a courtroom so things don’t get sticky and messy — and expensive. “Educate yourself about schedules that may work for you, your spouse, and your children,” they advise. “Just remember, you’ll both have to make concessions during the school year, so accommodate your spouse if you expect the same.”
5. Divorce Tips: Leave Your Friends Out Of It
Leave your friends out of it.
I know, you want to vent to your friends and familia about how horrible your ex is! Still, do not involve loved ones in every aspect of your divorce. “Chances are you and your spouse share common friends,” Frank says. “Do not force them to take sides.” If you do speak about your ex and your divorce, well, gossip travels fast. Your ex-love can use this information against you in court and nail you to the wall — and not in the sexy way.
6. Divorce Tips: Seek Therapy
When all else fails a therapist, religious leader or mediator can help. This way you can release the stress of divorce and discuss logistics calmly, and even explain the situation to your kids. “Children that see their parents divorce amicably are much less affected by the stress of divorce,” Frank says. Whether you have children or not, purging your feelings of anger, sadness, anxiety and fear can help you heal.
7. Divorce Tips: Be Sensitive
Be sensitive to your ex’s feelings.
No one expects you to kiss your ex's butt, pero you need to be sensitive to their feelings, especially if you’re in a new relationship and have children. If they're the parent of your children, they may just feel they're being replaced. So, put down the chancleta and kill them with kindness.