AM I BEING DUMPED?
Dear Dolores: I’ve been going steady with my novio for eight months. He’s 34 and I’m 25. I’m a professional track and field athlete about to get my degree in education. Out of the blue, he’s just told me he’s not sure he’s the man who could make me happy. He also said that since he has finished college and I have not, he has other plans and isn’t comfortable with our relationship. I have the impression he’s looking for excuses to dump me. I feel devastated. What do you think?
-Tania in California
Dear Tania: Any time somebody tells somebody “I don’t think I’m the man/woman who can make you happy,” you can kiss that relationship good-bye. This code word for “I’m outta here” is as old as the hills and should be taught to boys and girls in the third grade. It’d save everyone a lot of grief. Just move on. Go run the marathon and sweat that guy out of your system. You have a lot to look forward to in your life and your carrera. And your heart will mend.
-Keep your eyes on the prize, D
Dear Dolores: I need help in trying to make up my heart. I have two men in my life. They both know about each other but still say they love me and are willing to share my time and affection. My problem is, should I go along with their idea?
-Chanti in Chicago
Dear Chanti: Hmmm. Love triangles never really work, except as part of the plot in usually tragic movies. My feeling is that it’s hard enough to keep one good relationship going, never mind dos. Besides, it’s time consuming. On the other hand, it’s possible, without seriously committing yourself to one or the other, to go out with different people and have fun and get to know each other better. After a while, things may sort themselves out. However, the fact that this ménage a trois is not really your idea but theirs, brings a slight whiff of a rat into the atmosphere. If I were you, I’d take a break from both of them for a while and see who your heart really pines for.
-It takes only two to tango, m’ija, D
Dear Dolores: I have several close friends married to hombres egoistas. The husband of one of my amigas is unfaithful to her and she knows it. Another one is married to a guy who does nothing for her or their children and walks out on her semi-annually. Am I really just supposed to listen to them complain about their maridos when I know they’re not going to do anything to change it? Ay, Dolores, I feel I’m turning into one of those comadres who just answers the phone and pretends to listen when I’m really watching Ugly Betty on the TV and not caring. What should I do?
-Frustrated Latina in California
Dear Frustrated: It depends what kind of amigas they are. If they are really good friends whom you love and care about, just listening to their problemas over the phone is not enough. You should go and have a long lunch with each one and have a real face-to-face conversation so you can help them figure out their own feelings towards their situations and offer your best advice. Whether they take it or not, is up to them, but at least you won’t feel like a helpless, hypocritical friend and, most importantly, you will be able to watch Ugly Betty without interruptions.
-Carry on, D
Do you have a problema only Dolores can help you out with? E-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org!