My mother favors my brother all the time. She never calls or looks for me. I was raised by my grandmother, but she passed away 20 yeas ago. I’m married and have five children. Can you give me some advice, please?
- Dulce in Arizona
We all want to have loving parents who care about us and are there for us till the end of time, but we have no control over this. You are now an adult and what you have control of is to be the best mother in the world to each and every one of your five children equally, so they don’t have to experience the sibling rivalry that still seems to bother you. Also, you may want to take the initiative and call your mami and invite her over to see los nietos.
- Sometimes we’ve got to be our own mothers, D
My husband recently told me that someone told him that his ex was trying put a spell on him. To “protect” himself he’s now involved with this brujería thing and is getting limpias. I have faith in God and believe in good and evil, but brujería gives me the creeps. My problem is that my husband gets upset because he feels I don’t support him on this. ¿Qué hago?
- Abbie in California
Sometimes, respecting other people’s beliefs is not easy, especially if they are quite different from our own. Wars are fought over this. But in your case, no es para tanto. For many Latinos, brujería and santería are part of our culture and it’s no bigger, and as harmless, a deal than making tamales from scratch for Christmas. In any case, you should be grateful that your husband is taking steps to protect himself from la otra (she may be trying to get him back through hexes and spells), and save himself for you. Think about that.
-Let him be, it will pass, D
I WANNA GET MARRIED!
My husband of 10 years and I have two beautiful children. I love him and he loves me too and we are very happy together. He helps me around the house and with the children. He’s the best husband and father you could ever hope for. My problem is that we are not married (although he gave me a ring) and every time I try to bring up the subject, he avoids talking about it. Please, tell me whether I should keep insisting or wait that he finally asks me.
M’ija, if you could read just half the mail I get from women looking for a man just like your husband, you’ll start counting your blessings on the spot. Take it easy. On the one hand, men don’t like to be pushed into marriage. They can’t help it. It’s in their genes. On the other hand, it’s possible that his papers may not be in order, or that he’s still legally married to some other woman from his past. You may want to bring this up in a very loving, tactful manner, and offer to help him get his status straightened out. He may not like this, so, depending on how badly you want that marriage certificate, proceed at your own risk. You have a good thing going.
-Good luck, D
Have a problem you need Dolores to help you solve? E-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org!