LOVE IN THE TIME WARP
Dear Dolores: I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years. From the beginning I knew he had a girlfriend and that they lived together, but our attraction for each other was so strong that we plunged ahead. Lately he’s changed. We used to see each other every week, but in the last six months we only see each other once a month. I adore him, but I wonder if he loves me. I don’t think I can live without him. ¿Qué hago?
-Desesperada en Houston
Dear Desesperada: M’ija, the first thing you need to realize is that, yes, you can live without him because you’ve been living without him for 10 long years. Weekly booty calls do not a relationship make. You should have stopped being la otra a long time ago, but it’s never too late to break free of an emotionally stunting situation. Move on, meet new people, do something different, buy a new dress, breathe some fresh air.
-You will survive, D
STICKY MEN PHOBIA
Dear Dolores: Every time a start going out with a new guy, I can’t seem to move on to a long-term relationship. I feel incarcerated whenever the guy gets too sticky—meaning he likes me more than I like him. As soon as he gets like that I start avoiding him, thus ending our relationship. What should I do?
-Alex in Chicago
Dear Alex: It’s obvious you don’t want to be in an exclusive, long-term relationship—at least not with anybody you’ve met so far. There’s nothing wrong with that. Judging by the mail I get, too many women get, and stay, into disastrous relationships because they feel the have to have a relationship, because they think that somehow, a woman without a man is incomplete. There’s no such law written anywhere. Enjoy your own company and that of your amigas and any un-gooey guy that comes your way. The day will come when you’ll meet a man who won’t make you feel caged in, even if he drips honey from every pore.
-Enjoy your freedom, D
BORN AGAIN MARIDO
Dear Dolores: I’ve been married for 14 years to a non-Latino. He used to be a lot of fun and we enjoyed a moderate social life, going out with friends and having a drink now and then. But about seven years ago he turned his life over to Jesus, which is great, but now I walk on egg shells. He scoffs if I have a margarita with friends, and if I watched something slightly inappropriate on TV, he condemns me. I feel like I’m married to a stranger now and I don’t like it. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in Jesus and know that He’s my savior, but I’m not at the same level of commitment my husband is. I don’t know what to do.
-Christy in Corpus Christie
Dear Christy: Religion can complicate a marriage if both partners do not practice their faith with the same intensity. Extreme religiosity has been the cause of much turmoil, including bloodshed, throughout the ages, even as we speak. Tolerance and respect for the beliefs—or lack of beliefs—of others, can be a challenge, but it must be achieved if peace and harmony are to reign at home and all over the world. I suggest you discuss your feelings with your husband, and depending on your determination to overcome this situation, suggest that both of you meet with his pastor. We should be free to worship to the degree that’s acceptable to each one.
Remember, if you need some advice from Dolores, send her an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org!