Dolores Dice: Anniversary Blues


Dear Dolores: I’ve been in a relationship for 15 years and had never cheated on my boyfriend—until recently. I met this guy and went out with him three times and had sex once. I feel so dirty and disgusted, and the guy hasn’t even called me. Should I call him or just let it go and act like it never happened? Oh, and I forgot to mention that I cut his hair and the sex wasn’t that great.

-Confusa on the ‘Net

Dear Confusa: What do you want to see this man again for, m’ija? He got what he was after and won’t be back. So, take a long hot shower, pour some Ajax and scrub all over with Brillo pads, rinse with Clorox and cold water. Pat yourself dry and act like it never happened. Cheating never makes you feel good when you’re in a long, committed relationship, but hey, if you’re going to stray from straight and narrow, do it with someone who at least will leave you with a good memory of a fantastic roll in the sack.

-Live and learn, D


Dear Readers: As we celebrate Dolores dice’s 10th anniversary, a quick review of past letters reveals that in the last decade I have received 1,387 letters signed either Confused, Confusa, Confundida, Desesperada or Confundida y desesperada. I propose that for the next 10 years we ban these handles and be more creative. I’m sure you don’t want me to feel I’m answering the same letter over and over again. Here are a few hardly used signatures that mean the same thing, more or less: Deranged, Dazed, Perplexed, Bewildered, Puzzled, Baffled, Flustered, Rattled, Perturbed, Chiflada, Agitada, Abatida, Aturdida, Bizca, Delirante, Desalentada, Frenetica, Furiosa, Furibunda, Furica, Rabiosa, Chiva Loca, Mas Loca Que Una Cabra, Madame Moribunda, La Destripada.

-Take your pick and make me happy, D