The man I once believed to be “the one” broke my heart on New Year’s Eve. After hours of phone tag and years of mind games, he arrived to NYC from DC, and he promised we’d spend the last day of 2008 together. Only that didn't happen. Instead, he hung out with his boys at a club, and showed up at my door at two in the morning.
I was devastated. I had invested so much time, effort and patience into our relationship, hoping he’d become the man with more than potential. But, I had to move on. In 2009, after a decade of disappointment, embarrassment and manipulation, I began mending my broken heart. Here’s how you can also heal from a breakup in the new year:
1. #1: Don't Hook Up!
You might be tempted to make out with a cutie at midnight, or begin the new year with a bang — literally. But wait! Moving on quickly can be dangerous for the heart, as you might be denying emotional pain. You shouldn't cut yourself off from dating completely. Just take your time when frolicking back into the dating pool. Remember: there’s nothing wrong with being alone for a little while to really get over your ex.
2. #2: Find Closure Without Beating His Door Down
You'll want closure, but chances are you won't get it. It doesn’t matter how often you call or text, or try to kick down his door to “talk." Some people don't want to delve into a relationship that’s over. #Cowards. So, this new year reflect on your experience and your relationship. Have you been in this situation before? Do you have an unhealthy pattern you should break? Do you attract the same type of partners? Work on yourself and become aware of your choices in love. That’s how you’ll find closure.
3. #3: Don't Wallow For Decades
One time I was so heartbroken that I didn't date for an entire year. During that time, I didn't even say yes to a free meal! And that's no bueno. You should take the time to cry, eat brownies with ice cream and cry some more, but don't wallow in your sorrow for half a year — and become a cat lady.
4. #4: Prevent A Relapse In The New Year
Yes, you're sort of a junkie! Being in love and heartbroken can feel like a high was ripped away from you way too soon. So you relapse. You call, text, hang out at his fave spots hoping to “bump into him,” ask his friends about him (cause you're still hanging out with them) and stalk him on social media. If this sounds familiar, it's time to take drastic measures. This new year delete his number, all text and sext exchanges, and anything else that will tempt you to contact him. If your relationship was especially toxic, purge him from your life completely. That includes social media! Hide him from your newsfeed or unfriend him, so he's not included in next year's Facebook’s Year in Review.
5. #5: Write Down Your Love Resolutions
Now that you're done with fulano de tal, it's time to focus on the qualities that you desire and need in your next man and the type of relationship that will fill your heart with joy. Be clear and jot them down. Look at it like a list of New Year's resolutions for your heart and soul. This year it isn't about losing weight or traveling more; it's about learning from yesterday's relationship to attract a better one tomorrow.