Most women at some point in their relationship will question whether or not their spouse or boyfriend may be cheating. Call it paranoia if you want, but infidelity is a real concern for many. J. Maria Bermudez, Ph.D., LMFT, is a Professor at the University of Georgia who specializes in research devoted to Latino couples and families. She considers herself a feminist Latina scholar and one of the few Ph.D. level licensed marriage and family therapists in the U.S. Being quite the expert on the subject, Bermudez shares her six signs that your spouse may be cheating.
1. He’s Avoiding You
If he avoids eye contact when he talks to you, doesn’t ask you questions about you or your life, avoids contact with your family and friends, or gives excuses for not spending time with you that are usually work related, something may be up, says Dr. Bermudez. “He is distancing himself from you and moving in another direction.”
2. He’s Anxious and Defensive
“He may seem nervous when he is online and you enter the room, and he spends more time on the internet and doesn’t always answer his phone or text messages,” says Bermudez. If he becomes anxious, defensive, and irritable when you question his actions or distance, this is definitely a bad sign.
3. He Has a New Sense of Self
Is he wearing different clothing or cologne? Does he have a sudden interest in new hobbies? Is he less interested in the topics that you used to have in common? Yes, these may be signs that he’s just exploring new options – but he may be also moving more away from you.
4. He’s Unusually Highly Energized
A renewed energy is great, but if he seems more arrogant, super-optimistic or enthusiastic, it may be for some wrong reasons. “He is showing signs of falling in love!”
5. He Monitors You More Closely
If he’s prying into your schedule and being more vigilant about plans with you, it might be so that he can play his aventura more carefully, without you suspecting or questioning his actions, says Dr. Bermudez.
6. He’s Forgetful
Has he becomes so disengaged from his current life that he forgets important responsibilities associated with work and family? “His mind is consumed by the dreams and plans of a new life,” says Dr. Bermudez.
Dr. Bermudez emphasizes that in general it is important to listen to your gut when it comes to cheating, because that is your strongest signal. She also encourages women to calmly discuss their feelings with your husband or boyfriend to clear the air. It could very well be that he is not cheating on you, but there could still be some distancing behavior going on (which is also a problem). And if he’s not respectful of your feelings or open with you? It may be time to try counseling or just move on.
Have you ever had a problem with cheating? Looking back, can you recognize the signs? Share in the comments!