Eight Things He Needs to Know to Date a Latina

Face it: There are just some things that men—especially NON-Latino men—need to know when it comes to dating a Latina. Like, trying to pick one of us up with: "Mami, ven aquí/I want to be your papi chulo, can't you see?" will get you clowned. (You are not my child and you are also not Diddy).

When The Huffington Post recently did a piece on How to Date an Indian (Advice for the Non-Indian), we decided to put our own list together. Check it out and let us know if we missed anything, and if you think we hit the mark with our tips!  

1. How to Date Latina: Learn Spanish

If the key members of our family don’t speak English, it’s up to you to learn some basic Spanish.

Let’s be real, if Abuelita has been here longer than you’ve been alive and she lives in NYC, Chicago, Houston, Miami or LA, she’s never learning English. Not ever. You don’t have to recite a Pablo Neruda poem; just something like: “Gracias, Doña Flor. No sé qué le puso a su sofrito hoy, pero está más sabroso que nunca. Por cierto, su cutis está espectacular.” Do that, and you’ll be IN for life.

2. How to Date Latina: We're dramatic

Yes, we are intense and dramatic and loud. Embrace it.

This will never change. In fact, it is bound to get worse with age—which is probably ok, since your hearing won’t be so great by then. Consider it a win-win.

3. How to Date Latina: Learn Dance Moves

Learn some moves.

Now, we’re not talking about doing the lambada or shaking your bon bon like it’s 1999 (cause frankly, that’s not very manly). Just act like you know what you’re doing on the dance floor, loosen up those hips and take the lead as you spin us around at the club. And if you really want to earn cool points, learn about the musicians that matter to us. Start with the easy, one-word names like Celia, Juanes or Shakira, pre-Laundry Service.

4. How to Date Latina: Yes to Lechon

The response to the question, "Would you like some more lechón?" is always "yes."

There is no quicker way to offend mom, abuela or tia than to refuse the food they prepared with so much TLC. And if you’re a vegetarian, this may never work out. Plain and simple.

5. How to Date Latina: Don't Rush Us

Don’t rush us.

Here’s a very simple-yet-fundamental truth about dating a Latina: It’s important for us to look good, even if we’re going to the supermarket (as Eva Mendes once said: “Sweatpants are the number one reason for divorce”). This means we are going to take a little longer getting ready. If you’re worried about people thinking your girl is inconsiderate, don’t worry, because any and everyone who knows us is used to the fact that we are going to be late. If this is a huge problem, try telling us we have to be somewhere one hour or so before we actually have to be there. This way we’ll only be 30 minutes late.

6. How to Date Latina: Say Spiritual

If you don’t believe in God, say, “I’m more spiritual than religious.”

That’s it. Trying to argue with our Catholic mamás over your existential theories about a Superior Being or why Pope Benedict is evil is a battle you won’t win. Trust. Before you know it, she’ll be taking you to the local padre, throwing holy water in your face and forcing you to read entire passages from the Old Testament.

7. How to Date Latina: Don't Refer to us as food

Don’t ever refer to us in the same way you would a food object.

Save the words spicy, exotic and caliente for your next restaurant review. Referring to us as "hot tamales" was cool right around the same time Salma was in Fools Rush In. Try busting out an ol’ SAT word instead, like “pulchritudinous.”

8. How to Date Latina: Families Never Give Space

Our families will never give us space.

Ana Ortiz recently told Latina a story about looking good for the family even when she was about to give birth! “When my husband [musician Noah Lebenzon, who is not Latino] and I were getting ready for the hospital, I had asked him, ‘What earrings should I give birth in?’ He was like, ‘What are you talking about?’ I was like, ‘I have to wear earrings. Everyone will be there!’ Then after I gave birth, the room was packed: My cousins Papo and Adriana, Aunt Mirna, Raquel, Toñito. I was like, ‘See? This is why I wanted to wear earrings to the hospital!’” We totally get it.

9. How to Date Latina related links