Dolores dice...To Be Or Not To Be

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

Dear Dolores: I need your advice. I have been with my live-in boyfriend for two years, but I just found out he has a wife in Mexico. He says he didn’t want to tell me because he was afraid I’d leave him. I love the guy. What do I do?

-Lulu in Texas

Dear Lulu: If he really loves you and, as he said, he’s truly afraid that you may leave him, the one thing for him to do is to get a divorcio immediately. But in case you are willing to believe any other lie or lame excuse he may give you, there’s another option: resign yourself to being la otra, then light a candle to the Virgen de Guadalupe and pray daily that the Mexican wife won’t show up at your doorstep one of these days, a rolling pin in her hand and mayhem in her eyes.

-It’s your call, m’ija, D

WOE IS ME

Dear Dolores: I’m 28, attractive, smart, college-educated. I have good friends and get along well with my family. I have a great job and right now I’m dating a great guy. So, what’s the problem? Me. I don’t find joy in day-to-day things. I get bored easily. I tend to be a bit of a control freak and I’m a pessimist and a perfectionist. I’m always waiting for something grand to happen. I’m jealous and insecure and distrustful about my relationships and always break them up to avoid having to deal with these feelings. I want to lighten up and enjoy life, but I don’t know how. Please give me some suggestions.

-Dina in Detroit

Dear Dina: Whew! You sure are hard on yourself, girl. You have so much going for you that it’s hard to feel your pain. Maybe you think too much about yourself and about that one “grand” thing waiting to happen. I’ve discovered that happiness is not one big thing that arrives in a neatly wrapped package one day and, voila! Happiness is the gathering and accumulation of little, apparently insignificant things that happen every day. Like fragments of shiny objects you pick up along the way and put in your pocket. One day you’ll have a great collection and you’ll be able to make anything you want out of those small things: a tiara, a castle, a flying machine, a bicycle made for two. . . Start by creating a moment worth getting out of bed every morning. For me, it’s my café con leche ritual. Even if the day promises to be dreary and full of stress because of a deadline or whatever, the joy of making and slowly sipping a great cup of freshly brewed coffee and munching on a warm croissant topped with a small dollop of apricot jam makes me happy. Bring it on, I say to the day. Find the little things that make you happy and those that make someone else happy, and do them. Each day, do one thing differently than the way you did it yesterday. And do it slowly.

-You may even end up liking yourself again, D