Dolores dice...Love Hurts

Your favorite advisor returns, keepin' it real para siempre!

Why can’t he say “I love you?”

Dear Dolores:

I just want to know what it means when a guy you date for over a year never says the words “I love you”? Is it fear, shyness or what?

—Rita en L.A.

Dear Rita:

It could be fear. It could be shyness. Or it could be what, as in, What if he doesn’t love you? But before you reach for the tissues feeling rejected and unloved, remember that many men’s DNA lacks the romantic molecule and therefore is not programmed for lovespeak. Some men feel that uttering those three little words will make them vulnerable by surrendering all power to the loved one. Others fear that as soon as they whisper it, their girlfriends will go deaf from the loud wedding bells tolling inside their heads and blind from all the bridal magazines they’ll start reading to look for the perfect dress. In the end, though, actions always speak louder than words. Does he shower you with little gifts for no good reason? Value your opinion when it comes to his outfits? Have you met him mom, his Tia Cuca and more than 40 percent of his cousins? Those are deafening clues right there. Unless he’s a zombie from outer space, if he loves you, you’ll just know it.

—Besides, the L word is so overused…, D

Bride of Frankenstein

Dear Dolores:

I feel like I’ve created a monster. I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years. The last five have been a mess—I’ve been holding us afloat financially while he’s been in and out of short-term jobs. To make matters worse, he’s the old-fashioned macho type who believes that el hombre es de la calle y la mujer es de la casa. So he pretty much goes out every weekend while I stay at home. How do I set things straight?

—Stuck in a hole in Philadelphia

Dear Stuck:

Respect his beliefs, m’ija. If he insists that, as a man, he belongs en la calle, then change the door lock and leave him out in the cold. You stay en la casa, warm and cozy. If he gives you grief, send out the townsfolk to chase him away with their torches. And before you hook up with a new novio, please make sure you go down to the basement and destroy every piece of equipment in your Doctora Frankenstein’s lab.

—Enough enabling, D

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'iTS SO EASY TO SAY OK WELL IM JUST GONNA LET HIM GO...PERO AFTER HE'S GONE, YOU WANT HIM THERE EVEN AFTER THE BAD THINGS HE'S DONE I DONT KNOW BUT I THINK ITS JUST BCUZ WOMEN LOOOOVE THAT BAD BOY/TOUGH GUY! WELL *I DO LOL* PERO MUJERES! YOU GOTTA SEE REALITY! IF HE TREATS YOU BAD! LEAVE HIM TRUST ME IT WILL HURT BUT WHAT DO YOU RATHER HAVE? A MAN THAT BEATS YOU? OR A BROKEN HEART FOR 3 MONTHS? TRUST ME LADIES LOS HOMBRES NO VALEN LA PENA! ESA WICKED. ' WiCkED., November 11, 2008 - 6:01pm

'senoritas y senoras, My ex - the father of my children is an irresponsible dysfunctional alcoholic and machista. Went out with the boys friday and would come home sunday or monday if it was a long weekend. let me tell you. the worst 5 years of my life. the only thing he was good for was to give me two beautiful healthy daughters. so this goes out to you ladies pondering on whether or not to leave. you either get your sh*t together and start packing your bags or his, or you stay with him and learn to swallow the hurt and devote your life to it. Ladies this is your life - YOU CHOOSE HOW AND WITH WHO TO SPEND IT WITH. now for you ladies with kids - think of your children - do you want your daughter to end up with a man like that or do you want your son to become that kind of man. The chances of your kids re-living your history is significantly increased when exposed to this type of family life. think about it ladies. men like this dont respect you or his family, want to live life on their own terms. its been 1 year since i got my ex to leave and my life has never been better even with all the struggles of being a single mom and provider (but in the process of claiming child support) and his life is still a mess and he kicks himself everyday because of it and the funny thing is - he still hasn't learned or changed. what does that tell you?' hellojello, June 8, 2008 - 10:32am

'I like to thank the ladys that responed to my letter I know that he is wrong and what i need to do but i feel that he should paid for vreything that my kids need why let some bicth take what is mind.but i do know that is not the anwers gotting out is one of the hards thing for me to do i love him and haet he all in the sametime and thank for let me know that iam not crazy he dose like to said that all the time mujel tu ta loca. I'll will let you know what happen thak u' Dililah, March 11, 2008 - 2:05pm

'Dear Dolores; So me and this girl have ben talking/dating for a while (3months) but its nothing serious.. but i would like it to turn in to somthing serious .. how do i ask with out coming on to strong?? ' Nesto88, March 9, 2008 - 1:03am

'Dilliah, he has no respect for you as his wife or your marriage why continue to put up with that BS? Kick him out! and stick to it. Older children can sense when there is something wrong in the home. Your deserve better as a woman and so do your kids. ' Stardust17, March 7, 2008 - 10:33am

'12 years! I can't believe it. First off all he's not a machista he's a lazy louse who has been living off of you b/c he knows that you will always be there to pick up the pieces! I say it's time the gravy train is put to a stop! A real man is someone who is responsible for himself and can hold a job not this lazy mooching louse. It's time for you to clean house and take out the trash! If he like to be in la calle make it a reality. Pack all the belongings and change your locks and close the book to the enabling and stupidity. 12 yrs is too long to be miserable. ' Stardust17, March 7, 2008 - 10:29am

'Dear Dolores, I use to see this guy, we started going out on dates like to the movies...He would invite me to his family parties...one day we got un poquito drunk we had sex.. After that noche every tome we would kick it we'd wind up having sex, after like 1 month after we started having sex le dije if we were now going to consider our relationship formal, Pero el me dijo que we should just keep on being friends..Yo Ya lo quiero....What do i do???' envious, March 6, 2008 - 10:04pm

'mira mija,is not right what he is doing and you know it deep in your heart. you know what you've seen don't let him tell u otherwise. your not crazy.now u have to get strong and think about yourself because this is obviously making u feel really awful.he obviously is only thinking about himself not even about the kids.but what these man really dont know that they underestimate us females.and when we hurt we become tigers and our nails really come straight out ready to attack,get strong and stand your grounds get away from that monster.u are a humanbeing pleasse have some respect for yourself get out of that relationship dont let him keep hurting u. u have your rights. your children will need to understand and believe they will.good luck n god bless.god will guide u. he guided me when i needed him the most.' kawasaki, March 6, 2008 - 8:54am

'Dear Dolores Iam 37years old and i have kids17,14,7 the love of my life i been married for 18years with they my husban we have a good life he works hard veryday so do i he give me very and thing i ask and my kids but he like to cheat on me and he said the he will do what he want becuse he is who he is ive seen him with his gril-friends. but i see thing were they is'nt i want to live him but somtimei dont know how .want i find or see husban doing or out doing what he shouldnt be doing he know how trun thing aroud i think of my kids one of them is my dauthger she loves he so much what to do i can;t help but feeling bad my haert hurt help' Dililah, March 3, 2008 - 8:50pm