LATINOMETER <br /> Madonna

Madonna's sudden out-of-nowhere liaison with A-Rod set us on a trip down memory lane, recalling fondly her many love affairs with Latin culture that filled our past three decades. Whether she was romancing lovers or portraying Eva Perón, the Jackie-O of Argentina, Madge never shied away from seeking a spot alongside our prized Latin icons. But we're not sure we're ready to make her official just yet. After all, the Material Girl wears new identities the way we change our clothes—she's had more personal revolutions than all of Latin America itself. Yes, Madge, you're going to have to justify your love on our Latinometer...

Liabilites

  • A long history of angering the Roman Catholic Church. No self-respecting Latina (believer or not) would dare go up against la iglesia, lest she risk being shunned by abuela.
  • At the Puerto Rico stop of her Girlie Show World Tour in 1993, Madge set off controversy by rubbing the Puerto Rican flag between her legs. She should of known better—you never go up against Latino national pride!
  • The British accent. Ocassionally, it makes an appearance out of nowhere, and we're yet to discover a logical reason. Maybe we should just be thankful she hasn't attempted a Spanish one.
  • Dated Vanilla Ice for 8 months. Enough said.

Assets

  • Loves her some Latin men. Long before A-Rod, it was hit record producer John "Jelly Bean" Benitez followed by her personal trainer Carlos Leon, who fathered Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon (what more Latin name than that?)
  • Is largely responsible for making Ricky Martin a sensation in mainstream America, to the thrill of teenage girls and gay men everywhere.
  • "Don't cry for me, Argentina…" Remember when you couldn't get those emotional lyrics out of your head? Major points for playing the role of Eva Perón in Evita, and for scoring that coveted Golden Globe.
  • Brought us the classic hit "La Isla Bonita," a bi-lingual ballad to an unnamed Latin island of paradise. We still hum the tune in our heads whenever we're vacationing in the Caribbean.
  • Paintings by Frida Kahlo and Remedios Varo, that made a cameo in her 1995 music video for "Bedtime Story."


THE VERDICT: PASS!
Madonna is clearly an undercover Latina. But don't get too excited—in her efforts to constantly embrace all world cultures she seems to be an undercover everything, which is why she barely made the cut. Still, the girl shows some serious love. Welcome back!

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