We normally don't concern ourselves with the claws-out catfights of Hollywood's Blonde Brigade, unless of course they're battling over one steaming hot Mexican American football hero named Tony Romo. Enter the ring, Tony's current girlfriend Jessica Simpson and his ex-flame Carrie Underwood. These perky, flaxen-haired country crooners may be practically indistinguishable from each other on the surface, but ultimately Tony's gonna have to pick just one. We thought we'd give him a little help by putting them through three rounds and seeing which one comes out on top. Let the battle begin...
Round One: The Assets
If variety is the spice of life, Tony's taste in women is as bland as baby food. Both his ladies love are yellow-blonde country singers from small towns. Both made it big with the help of reality TV (MTV's Newlyweds for Jessica and Fox's American Idol for Carrie), and their wholesome-yet-sexy images.
So what sets these beauties apart from each other? Let's just say each has what the other desperately wants. In Jessica's case, boobs. In Carrie's, a real singing career.
Winner: Simpson. Let's face it, a career is great but we're guessing Jessica's twins make for better bedfellows than Carrie's Grammys.
Round Two: Girlfight
Jessica and Carrie's good-girl images might sell records, but make no mistake: these chicas can throw down. The first punch: Jessica is photographed wearing a t-shirt that reads "Real Girls Eat Meat," a clear jab at Vegetarian Carrie. The defense: Carrie tells Allure that, in spite of his public affair with Jessica, "the phone will ring and it'll be [Tony], and I'll maybe not answer." The knockout: Jessica retaliates on the radio, saying "Tony and I both laughed at that," and insisting Carrie's comments are "definitely" not true. How does Jess know? "I looked at his call log."
Winner: Simpson, by a (long, blonde) hair. Girl-on-girl action might turn some people on, but we think it makes them both look tacky and insecure. Unless their willing to battle out their differences in a pool of mud, we think this kind of behavior will likely drive Tony away from both of them.
Round Three: Talk the Talk
Discretion may not be a virtue possessed by many in Hollywood, but Jessica Simpson has taken overexposure too a whole new level. In the past year she has blabbed to anyone who will listen about how in love she is with her quarterback boyfriend (need evidence? Check out this, this, this and this). Meanwhile, Tony has remained mysteriously mum about his feelings for Jess.
Carrie, on the otherhand, has played dodgeball with the press and rumors about her relationship with Tony. Despite numerous public appearances together and the revealing Allure quote, she's repeatedly denied that she and Tony ever even dated. "He was not my boyfriend and we were never dating," she told reporters in late 2007. For his part, Tony had a different story. When, in December 2006, a Dallas Cowboys fan told Tony his wife wanted to know if he was dating Jessica Simpson, he responded, "No. Tell her I'm dating Carrie Underwood."
Winner: Underwood. When you're in love, you want too shout if from the rooftops (right, Jessica?), so we're gonna take Tony's silence when it comes to his current flame as a big ol' red flag.
Overall Winner: Simpson. Because at the end of the day, she's the one who gets to climb into bed with the hunky quarterback. Hopefully, she'll learn to stop smothering him with her public declarations, "Before He Cheats"...