Time Machine: What better way to show Jennifer how far she's come then to remind her of where
she started? So we recommend the In Living
Color DVD Box Set, so she can relive all the bad hair, spandex
leotards and questionable dance moves. Still, the spark of celebrity within
Jennifer was always apparent. It just took a team of stylists, vocal coaches and
choreographers to bring it out.
Señora Doubtfire: Jennifer has her hands full these days with her newborn twins Max and Emme, and since she and hubby Marc Anthony, claim they're raising
their babies without the help of a nanny. Riiight. Well, if that is indeed
the case, we'd like to give Jennifer a hand on the home front by getting her her
very own nanny--someone to keep the babies fed, burped, diapered and ready for
hand-off whenever Jennifer is ready for them, so she can get her kids all the
way to college without ever breaking a perfectly-manicured nail. Of course,
Nanny will have to be an old, gray-haired type so there's never a risk that
she'll catch Marc's eye.
The Music Men: Let's face it, she may have yachts, jets and minks galore, but the one thing
Jennifer hasn't had in a long time is a hit single. That's why we're giving her
a gift certificate for one studio session with multi-platinum hitmakers Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. If it worked for
Madonna, it should certainly work
for our girl.
On the 6: We know Jennifer likes to keep it real, but let's face it: she gave up
interacting with us little people a long time ago. So in order to keep Jenny
from the Block connected to her roots without having to mingle with regular
folk, we present her with her very own private car on the 6 train, the New York
City subway line that takes her from her posh penthouse in Lower Manhattan, up
to her mami's house in the Bronx.
Jennifer's car will feature seats upholstered by Roberto Cavalli, Jo Malone candles to burn
away the smell of the working class and, of course, buckets of chilled
Kills Shutterbugs Dead: Rumors of crazy diva behavior seem to fly around Jennifer like mosquitos, so to
keep those gossip-mongers at bay, we formulated a can of fast-acting Rumor
Repellent. One spray of this powerful stuff will make headlines like "Jennifer
Lopez Hires Masseuse for Newborn Twins" disappear. It also works double-duty to
ward off unwanted paparazzi, and kill any photos taken from unflattering angles.