Madonna and Jesus to Make Holy Commitment

Jesus Luz’s father was more than happy to dish about his model son’s love life to Brazil’s Quem magazine. Luis Heitor Pinto da Luz told the mag, "The kabbalah ceremony [in New York that] will link up my son, Jesus Luz, and Madonna only confirms that he is extremely happy." We can only assume Papa Luz is referring to a commitment ceremony that wouldn’t give Jesus legal access to Madonna’s zillions of dollars. "I don't know if there will, in fact, be a real marriage between Madonna and my son. It will be a type of ritual, but I do not know kabbalah [or if the ceremony] will have legal validity," said Luis.

Papa went on to divulge even more secrets (What’s with this guy? We love him!), saying the iconic singer and his son live together in her Central Park West apartment. He also denies rumors that Madonna is paying for her hot boy toy to learn proper English. "[Jesus] already spoke English very well before he knew Madonna!" he said indignantly, explaining: "He has an aunt residing in the United States."

Finally, Luis mentioned that Jesus is great with Madonna’s children. "She has small children, and Jesus helps her out with various tasks, involving all of them. He plays ball with the kids. Jesus has charisma and loves children." He also insists that, as far as iconic, filthy-rich famous singers go, Madonna is a great catch. "I've spoken by phone with Madonna—in French, because my English is not fluent—and she appears to me to be a normal and polite person," he said. "She is feminine. I don't feel she is a harsh person."

We’re happy for the couple. But mostly, we’re glad that we won’t have to stop making Madonna and baby Jesus references anytime in the immediate future.