Eavesdropping: Jennifer and Marc Hug It Out in Puerto Rico

Before Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony put their best feet forward at the Latino Inaugural Ball in D.C., the jetsetting couple was snapped by the paparazzi having a heated conversation in Puerto Rico. In a stroke of incredible/impossible luck, Latina.com had placed highly sensitive microphones in the potted plant to the couple's left two days prior, just in case a boricua celebrity might pass by and share a candid moment with the world. Below, our exclusive transcript of Jennifer and Marc's private conversation.

Marc: Mamita, que carajo is this?!? I specifically told you that the hemline of your dresses should be no higher than 2 inches above your knees. Who gave you the right to wear this scandalous loincloth?

Jennifer: I did, sucka. I'm tired of listening to you! I've wasted the precious final years of my 30s swathing myself in disgustingly modest outfits. As if I don't have a hot body to flaunt anymore. Ohhh, what was I thinking?

Marc: You were thinking like my wife. That's right, I am the one wearing the pants in this relationship! Me, dammit, me! And who are you, anyway?

Jennifer: I'm Jenny from the blo-Jenny from the blahh--waaaaahhhhh! [sobbing noises]

Marc: Ay, pobrecita. Look, you're not Jenny from the Block anymore. Those days are long gone. Ya, no llores mas...come here...it's okay. On Sunday we'll get all dressed up in age-appropriate, beautiful clothes, and I will carefully position my arm around your back so that everyone can see me holding you close, and we'll pose together, and we'll be happily married once more. Sound good?

Jennifer: Waaaahhhh!

Marc: Say it.

Jennifer: [sniffles] It will all be okay. You are my husband. I love you. You are my husband. Divorce is not an option. I love you.

Marc: That a girl. I love you, too. Now, go put on the rest of your outfit so we can be seen in public.

Jennifer: Okay. [barely audible] But don't expect me to wear my ring, fool.

Marc: What was that?

Jennifer: Nothing! Muah!

*End scene.*