You’re Not Alone, William & Kate! A Crash Course in Latino Royals

When Queen Sofia and Prince Felipe of Spain attend the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton at Westminster Abbey on Friday, they won’t just be hobnobbing with fellow blue-bloods: They’ll be celebrating as familia.

That’s because Queen Sofia and the Spanish King, Juan Carlos I (who won’t be in attendance) are distant primos of Queen Elizabeth—and therefore, Prince William—because they are all descended from England’s Queen Victoria (insert your favorite inbreeding joke here!).

Bear with us as we pick apart this arroz con mango: The King’s grandfather, Alfonso XIII, married Princess Victoria Eugenie of Battenberg, Queen Victoria’s granddaughter—who also introduced hemophilia into the Spanish royal blood line as a bonus. Queen Sofia, who is of Greek and German descent, is a great-great-granddaughter (paternally) and a great-great-great-granddaughter (maternally) of Queen Victoria. She is also first cousin, once removed of the part-German Queen Elizabeth’s husband, Prince Phillip (who is part Greek). Got that?

But England and Spain’s blood ties go farther back than that—way farther. Spanish King and Queen Ferdinand and Isabella, who sent Christopher Columbus to joder la pita in the “New World”, married off their daughter, Catherine of Aragon (Catalina) to an English prince. When that prince died, she was handed off to his brother, none other than King Henry VIII. La pobrecita: The famously lusty king changed the entire course of religious history to get rid of her so he could marry Anne Boleyn. He broke from the Catholic Church, started the Church of England and divorced Catherine, but not before having a child with her named Mary.

Bloody Mary, as she came to be known when she inherited the throne because she burned Protestants at the stake after turning England back to Catholicism, married King Phillip II of Spain. So for a time there, England actually had a Spanish co-monarch. Mary was already 37 when they got hitched for mainly political reasons. Queen Mary eventually died childless, ending the Spanish bloodline in the British royal family.