10 Signs You're At A Latino BBQ

Summer is (unofficially) here! Before you leave the 9-to-5 on early dismissal this Friday, make sure you are fully prepared (and in the mindset) for a Latino BBQ. It’s a little different from your average Memorial Day barbecue. How can you tell if you’re at a Latino BBQ? First, hide your pet guinea pig. Then, check our list here:

1. Latino BBQ: Park

Sign No. 1: It’s at a public park

A barbecue is usually held at someone’s backyard. When it comes to urban Latinos, a public park is just as good (backyard? Que backyard?). Bring the cooler, the beef and your own grill or use the one provided by the city—which is highly recommended because your meat soaks in the sabor of Latino BBQs past.

2. Latino BBQ: Blood Sausage

Sign No. 2: Bizarre Foods

Yes, carne asada is a staple at a Latino BBQ pero make sure to inquire if you don’t recognize the slab of meat. Just ask our Ecuadorian and Peruvian peeps. In your world, a guinea pig is a pet; in the Andes it’s the other white meat, cuy. Pfft, you might say. Not weird enough for ya? Try a grilled morcilla (blood sausage). 

3. Latino BBQ: Soccer

Sign No. 3: Bend It Like Benitez

As you’re seconds away from sinking your teeth into that juicy hamburger…watch out!!! There’s an impromptu soccer match going on in the middle of the grilling and drinking. 

4. Latino BBQ: No Vegetarians

Sign No. 4: No Vegetarians Allowed

If you’re a vegetarian don’t bother coming to a Latino BBQ. All you’re gonna get is meat, more meat and meat with a side of meat. Alas, there’s always potato salad.  

5. Latino BBQ: Jose

Sign No. 5: Always a way, Jose

Here’s a simple, surefire tip for those not invited to a Latino BBQ: just say, “I’m with Jose.” If it’s a Latino function, there will definitely be at least one Jose there. Other names to use: Juan, Jesus, Maria. 

6. Latino BBQ: Marc Anthony

Sign No. 6: It’s really, really loud

What’s a BBQ without Latin music blaring from an iPod dock? It would just be dinner. You don’t like Marc Anthony’s music? We’ll make you like Marc Anthony…or else. 

7. Latino BBQ: White Person

Sign No. 7: Token Non-Latino

You’ve seen him. He’s walking around in his mandels, sampling the salsa and trying to speak Spanish to the elders. He’s your friend and ours—Mr. Token Non-Latino. Lend him a hand and teach him dirty Spanish words.

8. Latino BBQ: Late

Sign No. 8: It never starts on time

LPT (Latino People Time) is an epidemic, mi gente. If you attend a Latino barbecue be sure to come three hours after the predetermined time or you’ll get stuck setting up for said barbecue. 

9. Latino BBQ: Rice & Beans

Sign No. 9: There’s too many rice and beans

You tell your Tia Letty, your cousin Jessica, and your bestie Diana to bring dishes. You hope for variety but you end up with three trays full of arroz con gandules

10. Latino BBQ: Cougar

Sign No. 10: Cougartown

There is always one, if you’re lucky maybe even two—the inappropriately dressed woman in her 50s or older. Her tight-in-all-the-wrong-places-jeans screaming for dear life, as she dances a cumbia with your college-aged brother. Oh, the memories! Tear…

PS: The cougar here is from a fantasy. C'mon!