10 Reasons Not to Travel With Your Latino Parents

Traveling with your Latino parents is a worse idea than remaking The Lone Ranger (ask Johnny Depp). Yet, we still do it. Latino guilt? Probably. Well, here’s to changing your mind this summer: we present 10 Reasons Not to Travel With Your Latino Parents.

1. parents travel 01_clapping

Clap Happy

After a long flight, the first thing on most passengers’ minds is, Get me the f**k out of this plane! Yet, if you’re traveling with mami or papi you better give the flight crew a round of applause. As soon as the aircraft lands your parents clap like they’re at a Fania All Stars concert. 

2. parents travel 04_Hostage Luggage

Hostage Luggage

If your trusty maleta is tearing on the sides, don’t buy a new one. Nonsense! Get your dad to duct tape the s**t out of it. The luggage will have so much silver tape wrapped around it might be mistaken for a hostage. 

3. parents travel 02_Mobile Supermarket

Mobile Supermarket

If you’re on your way to vacay with the ‘rents, you’ll always be well fed. Why? Because they’ll bring pan, canned food and more in their luggage. Hey, you never know when a bean shortage might hit in Puerto Rico.

4. parents travel 05_The Profit

The Profit

Sneakers. Jeans. Batteries. When your parents are traveling back to their homeland they make sure to bring a boatload of “American” merchandise so their relatives can make a quick profit. It doesn’t matter if it’s Mikeys (instead of Nikes) sneakers, as long as it comes from the States people will buy them.

5. parents travel 10_Lost in Translation

Lost in Translation

Lastly, your Latino parents’ use of the English language will magically disappear in the airport. Even if your parents have lived more than half their lives in the States, expect to translate everything while in the airport. God help you if you’re making a flight connection. 

6. parents travel 03_Put a Bow on It

Put a Bow on It

Do you want your luggage to look pretty and easily identifiable on the conveyer belt? Easy! Your mom has got just the thing—a huge, bright, ribbon. Now you’ll have your luggage just as quickly as humiliation sets in.

7. parents travel 07_Get Stuffed

Get Stuffed

“Breakfast included” has never seemed more embarrassing than when you’re on vacation with your Latino parents. Get ready to stuff your purse with croissants, butter packets, and fruits. Invest in a big, sturdy, beach bag. Trust us!

8. parents travel 06_Same Ol’ Song

Same Ol’ Song

If you want to explore Europe or Asia this summer vacation, don’t travel with your parents. If you do, chances are you’ll end up in their home countries. If your daddy is Mexican—you’ll be in Mexico; if your mami is Colombian—say hello to Colombia. 

9. parents travel 09_Getting Carried Away

Getting Carried Away

Checking in luggage? Que checking in luggage? Your parents are suspicious of everyone, everywhere. Don’t think for a minute they’ll leave their precious, over the weight limit luggage. Carryon, por favor!

10. parents travel 08_Cheap Eats

Cheap Eats

Eating at hole in the wall-type restaurants on vacation is highly recommended but don’t let your parents choose’em. You’ll end up with an eye-patching wearing cook, a rude ex-con waiter, and, if you’re lucky, a rubber band in your soup.