Eva Longoria Parker May Be "Fat," But She's "Still a Size Zero!"

Is Eva Longoria Parker's house filled with those funhouse mirrors that alternately make you look fat and skinny? We can't think of any other explanation for the petite star's bizarre body image issues these days.

Last month, the actress told reporters on a French television show that she's not pregnant, she's "just fat," but now she tells the November issue of Allure, "I'm still a size 0."

"I never went up a size!" the pint-sized actress proclaims, adding, "I just got rounder." We know Eva is a tiny girl, but if she's a size zero, then we can share jeans with Gisele Bündchen.

Speaking of delusions and misconceptions, Eva took the interview as an opportunity to clear up a few other rumors."I know I'm not pregnant. I know Tony and I aren't breaking up," she tells the mag, seemingly out of nowhere. "I know we're not cheating."

Well, okay then. Good for you, Eva! No babies, no breakups and no affairs may make you a happy gal, but what are we chismosas supposed to do until the next scandal hits?