Things We Learned from Perez Hilton's New Book

In between the running list of "celebrity sluts" and a Lindsay Lohan case study (they're not totally unrelated), there's actually plenty of priceless wisdom to be found in Perez Hilton's first book, Red Carpet Suicide: A Survival Guide on Keeping Up with The Hiltons ($17, Our "Get Cultured" bloguera Angie already shared his snarky tidbit about Tara Reid's liquid diet, but we managed to dig up a few more Perez pearls that are pretty interesting--enlightening, even! Here's a quick list:

Benicio Del Toro is a sly devil.

P-Nasty says Benicio shamelessly fueled the rumor that he once had sex with Scarlett Johansson at the Chateau Marmont, citing the Ché star's 2005 interview with Esquire:

He said, "Did I ever have sex in an elevator with Scarlett Johansson after an awards show? I kind of, like, you know, I, well. I don't know...I'm sure it has happened before. It might not be the last time either." ...Benicio totally secured his place in the Rumors Hall of Fame!

Yep--right up there with Enrique Iglesias!

Jennifer Lopez's twins have a bright future ahead of them, and behind them.

Perez wishes nothing but the best for Max and Emme. "I hope they get her butt! I see them working the family business--working mom's fashion business. J.Lo's got millions invested in her brand, and the kids will take over!"

The good die young.

Billy Joel delivered this truism decades ago in song, but Perez provides us with a handy chart that lists all the stars who left us too soon. Among them: Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Jean-Michael Basquiat and Kurt Cobain, all of whom died at 27. And James Dean at 24!

Keen observation: In the end, the Jackson family duped us all.

Perezito muses over Michael Jackson and his siblings' shared love of plastic surgery. "The more work they have done, the more they all start looking like brothers and sisters again!" Scary, but true.

Not-so-keen observation: Mariah Carey loves to be pampered.

"Mariah Carey could be the biggest entourage diva ever!" Really, Perez? Say it ain't so!

Britney Spears is the new Marilyn Monroe.

By the Gossip Gangstar's logic, Britney Spears flashing her va-jay-jay while exiting a car is the modern-day equivalent of Marilyn Monroe purposely blowing her skirt up. We see where he's going with this, don't you?

There are still plenty of wacky celebrity baby names to go around!

And Perez conveniently breaks them up into categories, like Spices (Tarragon, Chervil, Nutmeg), Occupations (Tanner, Smithy) and best of all, Qualities (Clemency, Continence). Is it weird that we kind of like Persimmon?

Speaking of babies...

Celebs don't just look towards Africa and Asia for their adopted children! We're ashamed to admit we didn't know this, but Frances McDormand and Joel Coen adopted their son, Pedro, from Paraguay in 1995. Screw Harlow--we demand more coverage of Pedro!

All this and more, in Perez Hilton's new book. Go pick up your copy and help further his world domination.