Dolores dice...A Few Good Men


Dear Dolores: I’m a single Latina rapidly approaching the big four-O and having a very hard time meeting a good man. Most men in my age bracket come loaded with baggage. They’re either separated or divorced with children. I don’t have a problem with this, as long as the men have a good and healthy relationship with their children and the mothers, but most do not. I hate the bar/club scene. So, how do I find an eligible man?

-Wanda on Long Island, NY

Dear Wanda: As I have often said, if I had the answer to your question I wouldn’t be sitting here in front of this computer writing this stuff. If I knew where to find eligible, available, loyal, hard-working men with brains willing to commit to a relationship, I’d be a millionaire, the Queen of the Milky Way, La Gran Checha. But here I am, writing this, and there you are, looking. You never know when or where you will meet the person to complement your life. But one thing is for sure. You’ll never meet anybody in couch potato mode. Get out of the house. Do different things. Go to the library, hangout at a bookstore, take dance lessons, volunteer at a local political campaign, ride the bus to the last stop and then back. You never know whom you may meet along the way.

-You gotta believe, D


Dear Dolores: I’m third year Criminal Justice college student and consider myself a very strong, decisive and ambitious mujer con caracter. During the nine months I’ve been going out with my boyfriend, I’ve felt that, at times, he’s been wavering about our relationship. When we’re together everything is great. He showers me with affection and tells me that he loves me. Overall, I can say he’s very attentive and considerate. However, on several occasions when he has had some issue, he flusters up and tries to tell me he needs space—you know, that “it’s me not you” thing. I don’t believe in giving space. It’s either we’re together or we’re not. But when I tell him that I can give him so much space that he’ll never see me again, he doesn’t want to break up. ¿Qué le pasa a ese hombre?

-Dominicanita Preocupada in NJ

Dear Dominicanita: I think that what le pasa a ese hombre is that you intimidate him, m’ija. If you don’t know by know that in this society, despite so much lip service to equality, strong, assertive, successful women are still viewed with suspicion and fear, just wait until you graduate. Women who carry a badge and a gun scare the pants off many hombres. Such women, like yourself, need to find men who are secure in their masculinity and keep away from wuzzes who want to run away at the first sign of conflict.

-Give him plenty of space, D


Dear Dolores: I have been seeing a nice man for a year and a half. I live with my parents and my two children from a previous relationship, but haven’t introduced them to my boyfriend yet. This man wants to marry me and has even put a down payment on a ring. I don’t know whether I’m rushing things with my parents, who are quite old fashioned, especially my mother. I’ve never brought any men to the house before. I don’t know how to approach this situation.

-Linda in TX

Dear Linda: Forget your parents for a sec. Do you love this man? Does he love you? Does he know you have children? Do you think he will be a good father to them? Does he have a job? If the answer is yes to all these questions, what’s the problem? Invite the man to dinner next Saturday and take it from there.

-You’re a big girl now, act like one, D

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