Dear Dolores: I lost 45 pounds while dating the same guy for one year. I recently stopped taking the weight control pills and have gained some pounds back. Now he’s making remarks such as “I’m not turned on by it,” “I don’t like it,” etc. He says that I have to lose weight and that “there’s something in it for me at the end.” Nobody knows better than me that no one (especially someone who claims to love you) should affect your self esteem, but I’ve decided to take the challenge and have him pay for my gym as he offered. Who knows, I might become fly and say good-bye. What do you think?
-Jessy in Atlanta
Dear Jessy: Weight problems are a touchy issue. On the one hand we know that for health reasons, it’s better to keep our weight down. On the other hand, we cannot all be thin. God meant it that way and no matter what we do, the rollitos refuse to go away. Contemporary culture celebrates thinness and makes us feel unbeautiful if we carry a few extra pounds. We all have a dream: being loved for who we are and not for what we look like. I think you should lose those pounds for yourself, not for whatever “surprise” or reward your boyfriend may have in store for you. Once you’ve achieved your goal, you’ll be a new woman and she’ll decide what she’s willing to put up with.
-Good luck, D
Dear Dolores: I’m a successful 30-year-old professional Latina. I’ve finally met the man I would love to marry and have children with and he feels the same about me. Career-wise we both are in the same place in our lives, except that he lives in New York and I live in Seattle. He says he doesn’t want a long-distance relationship because I may meet and fall in love with someone else, but he doesn’t want me to move to New York for him because it’s too soon (we’ve only known each other for two months and have seen each other a total of eight days.) How can I commit myself to a future with him without scaring him away?
-Unsettled in Seattle
Dear Unsettled: M’ija, hold your horses! What’s the rush? As we say in Spanish: Hay que darle tiempo al tiempo. He’s being cautious, and so should you. You hardly know this man and you’re ready to turn your life upside down to move across the country. That may work beautifully in the movies, but in real life you should be more thoughtful. Continue to communicate and travel back and forth as much as you both can afford it. Get to know each other better and make sure your love is for real.
-Time will tell, D
Dear Dolores: I’ve been friends with this girl for seven years but sometimes her behavior is very unpleasant. She has an envious streak that’s kind of scary. I hear this tone when she speaks of what should be a very happy event in one of her friend’s life. Instead of expressing happiness for them, she tends to criticize and pick them apart. It makes me wonder what she says about me to her other amigas. Although I like her, I have an issue with two-faced people. What should I do?
-Tami in CA
Dear Tami: If she’s a buena amiga you wish to keep around, then discuss this problem with her. It’s weird, but some people feel that to get close to a friend they have to tear down other friends. It’s possible this may be her motivation. Either way, tell her how you feel in a straightforward manner, or you can broach the subject by joking about it. For example, “I hope you won’t talk like that about me when I win the Lottery.” Or you can always change the subject when her mouth runs off.
-Honesty is always the best policy among real friends, D
To send in your questions for Dolores, email her at: firstname.lastname@example.org