Recasting "True Blood": HBO's Fang-tastic Drama Gets a Latin Makeover!

I confess: It’s been only three weeks since I started watching Alan Ball’s HBO drama, True Blood. However, I’m already as addicted to the show as Bill is sprung on Sookie! And I have so many questions. For instance, will my favorite character Jason Stackhouse die after being shot in last week’s episode by that crazy Sarah Newlin? Who will save Jason’s sister Sookie from the Fellowship of the Sun? Is Eggs as trustworthy as Tara thinks he is? Will Sam be framed for Daphne’s murder? And what in sam hell is Mary Ann? All of these questions got me pondering an altogether different question: What would my new favorite show look like with an all-Latin cast? I’ve got that answer: Vivo Por TiVo proudly presents the Latin cast of True Sangre!

Sookie Stackhouse: Joanna Garcia. True Blood centers on Sookie, a waitress at Sam’s bar who has the telepathic ability to hear people’s thoughts. Played brilliantly by Anna Paquin, Sookie is kind, sweet, intelligent and looks like your typical girl-next-door. But don’t mess with her, because she’s a lot tougher than she looks—just like my girl Garcia, an adorable, sweet and bubbly girl who's also a very strong, assertive woman. 

Bill Compton: Eddie Cibrian. The only person whose thoughts Sookie can’t hear are Bill’s (Stephen Moyer), her 173-year-old boyfriend (sucks to be her, right?). Cibrian and Moyer share that in common: His wife, Brandi Glanville, couldn’t read his mind either, otherwise she would have known about his alleged affair with country singer LeAnn Rimes, who sank her teeth into Cibrian a couple of months ago. I’m terrible, I know. But in all seriousness, Cuban actor Cibrian would be a perfect Bill: a gentle and good vampire with an undying love for Sookie (pun intended), who also knows that turning a human is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Eric Northman: Adam Rodriguez. Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), is a powerful and attractive Nordic vampire who lusts after Sookie, much to Bill’s dismay. He’s cold and kind of tortured. He's also definitely a badass! Adam Rodriguez, Cibrian’s CSI: Miami costar, is also a badass with sex appeal to last him a lifetime. He’s also got a sad-eyed look about him that makes him perfect to play the tortured Eric. Will Adam steal Joanna from Eddie?

Jason Stackhouse: Michael Trevino. Lovable airhead Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) is my favorite character on True Blood because I find his timidity—and the fact that he’s so naive—hilarious. But looming behind Jason’s goofball exterior, there seems to be a cockiness, and an arrogance lurking inside of the confused youngster. 90210's Trevino is great at playing cocky dudes who also come off as likeable guys, which is why I think he’d be perfect for the role of Sookie’s bro.

Sam Merlotte: Benjamin Bratt. Running a bar in Bon Temps is strange for Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammel), with all the vamps and horned creatures who loiter at the pub, but then Sam is also a strange kind-of-guy. He's a human who can shapeshift into other animals, and he's had some bad luck lately. The woman he thinks he loves, Daphne, betrays him, and once she’s dead, people start to suspect Sam as her murderer. Tough break! To play nice guy Sam—the ultimate unlucky guy—I’m hiring Bratt because he's excellent at playing guys who are honest, nice, and, like Sam, kind of a doofus.

Tara Thornton: Tatyana Ali. Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley) knows a bad thing when she sees one (probably because she has such a hot mess for a mom), which is why she’s immediately suspicious of Mary Ann’s intentions. At the same time, though, Tara wants badly to trust in someone because she’s been let down so much in her life. Ali, who played Ashley, Will Smith’s young cousin on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, would have a helluva time portraying Tara’s pessimism toward the human race.

Lafayette Reynolds: John Leguizamo. The colombiano actor has dressed in drag before (remember his  transvestite character Miss Chi-Chi Rodriguez in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar?), which is why the outrageous Johnny boy would be perfect for the role of Tara’s cousin, the wonderfully outlandish Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis). The character, a short-order grill cook at Merlotte’s who wears club clothes and eye makeup galore (and hustles as a drug dealer and gay prostitute on the side) might be flamboyant, but he’s no punk: He’ll kick your butt if you mess with him. And beware: He’s kind of loco, in a good way—like my boy Leguizamo!

Mary Ann Forrestor: Sara Ramirez. Truth be told: Mary Ann (Michelle Forbes) is scary as shiz. But there’s no denying that there’s also something seriously sensual, sexy and alluring about her and the way she seductively manipulates those around her by performing sexual cannibalism on men (and sometimes boys) like a preying mantis. So to recast Mary Ann, I need to find an actress who’s a badass, but also seriously sexy: Enter Ramirez. Tough and strong-willed, the devilishly sexy Grey’s Anatomy star is the perfect choice to fill the shoes of Mary Ann, a follower of the Devil!

Eggs (Benedict Talley): Jay Hernandez. Tara’s boyfriend, Eggs (Mehcad Brooks), is a good-looking guy with an infectious smile and abs of steel. Hernandez is a good-looking Latino with an even more infectious smile and abs of steel. The part is yours, Jay.

Sophie-Anne: Jennifer Lopez. Sophie-Anne (Evan Rachel Wood), who will be introduced on True Blood later this season, is the 500-year-old vampire queen of Louisiana, a charming and wise vamp who’s also one hell of a diplomat. Our Latina queen may not be 500 years old (she only just turned 40), but I challenge you to think of a Latina who is wiser and more diplomatic than my beloved J. Lo. I thought so.