Latin Love is in the Air on "Dexter" Season Four

We’re less than a week away from the highly anticipated fourth season of Showtime’s sublime serial killer drama Dexter (premiering on Sept. 27 at 9 p.m.), and guess what? I’ve seen the first four episodes. They’re pretty fabulous, and I’m going to share some of the juiciest details with you! I am a good friend, right?

As you may have heard, (or seen on those fabulous promos Showtime has been airing all summer), season four chronicles our favorite serial killer’s attempts at balancing his family life, along with his job as the go-to blood splatter expert and his murderous habit. From the very first episode of the new season—an installment fittingly titled "Living the Dream"— we learn that Dexter is having a rough go at it. He’s sleep deprived because his son Harrison never (and I mean nunca!) stops crying. He’s also frustrated, moody and angry all the time, all of which is making him mess up at work (he makes it easy for a guilty man to get away with murder when he accidently brings the wrong notes to a trial). Worst of all, these new responsibilities are causing Dexter to forget where he leaves the chopped up pieces of his decapitated victims! Ouch.

Indeed, our boy—who is usually as sharp as those pointy knives he uses to stab his victims en el corazón—is way off his game in his new suburban environment. He hates carpooling and swimming pools, plus he’s particularly ambivalent about backyard barbeques with the neighbors. All he wants is to be left alone.

I have been a die-hard fan of Dexter from the very beginning, but I must admit that this whole fish-out-of-water story line is making the show a bit boring and predictable. Luckily, every scene is so well acted by the brilliant Michael C. Hall that I couldn’t hate it altogether. Plus, there’s good news: Dexter is still killing bad guys! In fact, in the first four episodes, he kills 2 really evil people (a man and a woman) with the same inspired attitude and excitement of previous seasons. And I’m glad he does, because that is the show’s bread and butter—not Dex’s attempts at balancing work and play.

The new season also benefits from the addition of a brand new serial killer—a really creepy elderly man named Arthur Mitchell who is known as "The Trinity Killer," played by special guest star John Lithgow. Trinity is the most successful serial killer to ever get away with his crimes, and they call him “Trinity” because he kills in threes. It’s always the same pattern: a young woman in a bathtub, followed by a mother falling to her death, and ending with a man getting bludgeoned. If you thought the way Dexter killed was scary, you will shiz your pants watching this guy. His murders are the grossest thing I’ve seen on TV since my friends encouraged me to watch Flavor Flav make out with Tiffany “New York” Patterson on VH1!

In one scene, a very naked Trinity slices a young woman’s ephemeral artery and watches her bleed in her bathtub while he chokes her to death. In another, he forces a mother of two to jump to her death from the top floor of an abandoned warehouse while she begs for her life. It’s so awful you might have to look away—I did. But the scariest thing about Trinity is that he spends his days at outdoor café’s, at the public library and playing with puppies, (that don’t belong to him). He also dresses like a character from Leave it to Beaver, and talks like the reverend on 7th Heaven.

But the new season isn’t all about murder. There’s plenty of love too—Latin love to be exact, between the show’s newest couple: Lt. Maria Laguerta (Lauren Vélez) and Sgt. Angel Batista (David Zayas). Yes, the rumors are true! The two officers will be getting their freak on this season, and let me be the first to tell you that estos dos are very aroused by one another. Batista makes Laguerta feel sexier than she’s ever felt in her life, and I love that Velez finally gets to show off her sexy side on this show. She's usually dressed to the nines in the most conservative outfits possible. Their romance isn’t my favorite thing about the new season, but it is cute and charming, and I love that she makes him café con leche, and that they only talk to one another in Spanish. Unfortunately, like most office romances, Batista and Laguerta’s cute love affair might be doomed from the start.

Are you excited to watch the new season of Dexter?