Remember a while back when I said I always wanted a mini-van? I still do (never going to happen according to my hubby) but I don't think there will ever be three kids in it—at least not three of my own kids! At some point after getting married, Jeremy and I decided that three children was perfect. A family of five just seemed so sweet. Now, with two girls under three years old, we're, um, changing our tune.
It's overwhelming. Lots of things don't get done. It's a huge project just to to get everyone out of the house at the same time! Although I love the chaos, some days I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it. The youngest isn't even walking but the day she does, I have no idea what we'll do. What I do know is that I don't want three kids. I'm still figuring out how to be a great mom to two children. Just as I felt like I was getting really awesome at being Dessa's mom, Farrah came along and I was back at square one.
I still like the idea of three kids, emphasis on idea. But in real life, I just can't be the mom I want to be to more than I've got now. I owe it to my girls to make a smart decision. I can't be selfish, I can't make this choice for me anymore like I did with my first. I'm a happy mami, though, with my two girls. Sure, it's crazy, hectic, chaotic—but my days are filled with lots of laughs, rolling around on the floor and silliness.
So the moral of the story? Forget about any "plans" you have. Things change and plans rearrange!