Dimelo: "Should I Leave My Boyfriend For Another Man?"


Dear Pauline:

I'm 18 and my best friend is a guy. We met through Facebook and got to know each other by talking every day for two months before he asked me out. We then met in person but by then he had a girlfriend. Now he and I go to parties every weekend; we've kissed and talked about how our lives would be different if we were dating. When we had sex, I knew I loved him. The problem is I am not ready to walk away from my current relationship. Que hago?


Star-Crossed On Facebook

Dear Star-Crossed,

Mijita, pull up a chair. You and I are going to have a little chat.

First, let me tell you that when it comes to Amor & Life in General, our hearts play second fiddle to timing. The Husband always tells me that had we met two years earlier we wouldn't be together right now. He was partying like it was going out of style and nowhere near settling in for a committed relationship. And because we met at the right time for both of us, we were able to follow our hearts. Cheesy? Maybe. But I have a feeling he is right. Had we met at the wrong time in our lives, before we were ready for each other, we would have missed the last 13 years together.

That said, Star-Crossed amiguita, take a breath and think this through. You and your BoyFF (Boy Best Friend Forever) get along fabulously and hang out on weekends together. Now, you want to know if you should dump your guy for BoyBFF. It all sounds very 90210 and I think I got a migraine just thinking about it. I'm not a fan of cheating while in a committed relationship—plain and simple. It's dishonest and hurtful any way you look at it. But what is done is done, que sera, sera, and all that.

Pretend for a moment that BoyFF doesn't exist. Would you still be rethinking your current relationship? It's interesting that you mention you aren't ready to walk away yet; your current relationship seems to be an afterthought. If you were truly happy, you wouldn't be cheating or declaring your love for the boy you are cheating with.

My advice? Be honest with your boyfriend about the affair. He deserves the chance to be with someone who is will remain faithful and committed. You need to start fresh and take some time to yourself. You may need some time to grow before you are emotionally mature enough to start dating anyone again. As for you and your BOYFF? Tread lightly. He was unfaithful with you; don't let yourself be blinded to the fact that he might be unfaithful to you, as well.

—You can't love another until you truly love yourself, P.