Dimelo: "How Can I Convince My Mother That My Older Boyfriend is Good For Me?"

Corbis

Dear Pauline, 

I'm a 20-year-old college sophomore and I'm moving in with my 45-year-old boyfriend at the end of this month. I could go on and on about how awesome he is and about how he wants me to pursue my education and be an activist when it comes to the things I'm passionate about (DREAM act, immigration reform, etc.) and how he is just as passionate as these topics as I am, going to events and supporting me every step of the way. It's really awesome. 

But the trouble is my mom really doesn't approve at all. It hurts me deeply that I'm caught between moving in with him and going to the nearby university, or staying home and breaking things off with him! What should I do? I just want to make everyone happy, but either way someone gets hurt. 

Sincerely,

Call me Frida

Dear Frida, 

I'm going to take a not-so-very-wild guess and just say it: your mother is pissed you're planning to move in with a man who is, very probably, old enough to be your father. I'm also venturing a guess that the Diego to your Frida is the same age (or very, very close, m'ijita) as mamacita herself. Not gonna lie: as a mother, I'd have a lot to say on the subject to my own daughter if she came home with the news your mother is currently trying to digest.

I'm not saying you're wrong. Your boyfriend sounds amazing. Plenty of women go their entire lives searching for the one man who is not only ready to spend eternity by their sides, but also is as attentive and supportive as your man seems to be. The fact that you have already found what him at the very young age of 20 is not only wonderful news, it's the kind of relationship I'd fight for. Except you are not fighting. You are wondering and questioning, and that makes me think your mami is right to withhold her blessings.

A few months ago, a young girl wrote in asking me how handle a tough similar situation. She was only 15 and newly allowed to date (with parental permission, por su puesto). The problem? She liked a very sweet boy (who liked her, too), but her parents were against the relationship because the boy was black. At 15, this girl has no choice but to follow her familia's rules, as is common in Latino culture. You, however, are 20 and the rules don't necessarily apply. While you seem to have a good thing going with Mr. Lover-Man, you spent more time telling me how passionate you are about political topics instead of telling me how much you love him.

Think about that. Do you love him? Are you willing to face your mother and tell her you respect her feelings but must follow your heart? I think you already have your answer. -- Follow your truth.

Sincerely, 

-- P 

Pauline Campos is Latina Magazine's #DIMELO advice columnist. Email her your questions at dimelo@latina.com. Connect with her on her blog, www.aspiringmama.com, sign up for her Tortilla Press newsletter, and follow her on twitter: @pauline_campos.

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