Dimelo: "Is My Husband Not Interested in Sex Because He's Cheating?"

Dimelo: "Is My Husband Not Interested in Sex Because He's Cheating?"

Dear Pauline,

I am 56 years old and my husband is ten years younger. We've been married for 24 years and I am still in love with him. My problem is that I sometimes I feel that sex isn't important to him. He isn't in the mood or he's stressed out or he''s had a long day at work. The rest of our marriage is still going great, but this is upsetting me. I ask him all the time if everything is OK and he always reassures me that nothing is wrong. But I'm wondering....

Is he really just stressed or could he be cheating on me? Ayudame, por favor!


Frustrated in NYC

Dear Frustrated,

First of all, congratulations on making it 24 years! That's impressive these days and you should be proud. You are obviously still in love... but your current situation has you wondering if your husband feels the same way. No sex is a big problem in a successful marriage!

Sexual libido tends to drop in both men and women as we get older. Typically it's us mujeres who end up feeling less like a romp in the sack with our marido, but it's not uncommon for men to be affected, also. About 15 percent of men experience a loss of sexual libido (as compared to about 30 percent for women) but when it's our man who wants it less, the universe can seem suddenly out of balance—and not just for the women wondering what's wrong. Masculinity (which is so much a part of our culture for men) and sexuality are so connected that the loss of their sex drive is just as scary for them as it is frustrating for us.

There are many reasons for a drop in sexual desire in men. Maybe he is stressed. Mental health issues like anxiety and depression need to be considered, as well as medical conditions (like thyroid issues) and even certain medications.

Is he cheating? It's possible, but unless his work schedule is suddenly erratic or he's coming home smelling like another woman's perfume, I'd be more apt to say your man is faithful... and just as frustrated as you are.

It's time to sit him down for a serious talk. Be reassuring and let him know that his lack of desire has you concerned about his well-being. Start with your general practitioner to rule out any physical issues that could be contributing and, if necessary, suggest couples counseling with a therapist. He may resist (hello, Machismo!) but you've got 24 years of experience as the woman who knows him best behind you. Be persistent and remain supportive. Soon enough, you both may have a new reason to smile. - Bow-chicka-bow-wow.

-- P

Pauline Campos is Latina Magazine's #DIMELO advice columnist and founder of the #ChingonaFest community. Email her your questions at dimelo@latina.com. Connect with her on her blog, www.aspiringmama.com, follow her on twitter: @pauline_campos, and learn more about #ChingonaFest by following on instagram and tumblr.