I'm an almost-divorced mom of three and adjusting to the new reality is hard. (He left us right after the birth of our third baby and my kids and I are living with my mami now.) What I want to know is how to get back in the dating game. I have no intention of sitting back and feeling sorry for myself while he flaunts his new girlfriends on Facebook.
How do I make the first move without seeming desperate? Seriously...After being in a serious relationship it's hard to not feel as though you look desperate. I don't even know the game anymore.
Dear Starting Over,
Amiga? I think before we get to the Dating Game and All the Rules involved, perhaps we need to take a minute and just...well? We need to slow the hell down.
First things first, mama, is to take a minute to let the ink dry on the divorce papers. Adjusting to a new baby is hard enough without the added stress of your marriage coming to an abrupt end, and that holds true even if the relationship wasn't sunshine and roses before it ended. Seeing as how your Almost-Ex is already parading his new novias on Facebook and you're asking me for dating advice before the divorce is official, I'm figuring you and your kids are better off, anyway.
That being said, let's get real, shall we? Not only do you need some time to breathe in and readjust, you also need to do some cleaning up on your social media friend feed. As voyeuristically satisfying as it may be to get all kinds of righteously pissed off and call your amigas to talk smack about what the latest flavor of his week is -- or isn't -- wearing and what a loser he is, this isn't high school and you're too smart to be following for the emotional booby traps he's flaunting because he knows you're still watching. Maybe it's not the answer you were looking for, but they don't pay me here for being subtle.
You can thank me for reading between the lines later, Amiga. As for the question you wanted answered about how to get back in the game when you don't even know the rules anymore? Step One is getting to the point where you're too damned confident to even worry about looking desperate. And that, my friend, takes time. -- Thank you and you're welcome.
Pauline Campos is Latina Magazine's #DIMELO advice columnist. Email her your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org. Connect with her on her blog, www.aspiringmama.com and follow her on twitter: @pauline_campos.