I can't seem to be able to satisfy my boyfriend sexually. I've tried everything but it is of no use. He wants me to talk dirty to him, but I'm kind of clueless in that department. What am I supposed to say? Ayúdame, please.
—Lil' Help Here, San Juan Capistrano, CA
Dear Lil' Help:
Sorry, mi'ja, but the words you need can't be written here. You must do your own research and development. Some "dirty" words may be one man's turn-on and another man's bucket of ice water. And, if not delivered properly, they can make you burst out into laughter at a totally inappropriate moment, which could in turn deflate his ego beyond repair. So, find out what he likes to hear you say. It's not that difficult. There are three broad categories of dirty talk, each with three variations (hot-dirty, dirty-dirty, and nasty-dirty) but they go more or less like this: "You're the Master of the Universe," "I'm Your Wicked Witch of the West," and "These Boots Are Made for Walking." Sound effects are a must.
—Good Luck, D