Dolores dice...Reluctant Bride

Dear Dolores:

I have a serious problem. I'm 20-years-old and just three weeks ago I got married to my boyfriend of four and a half years. I was a virgin on my wedding night and discovered after my first sexual experience that I have no real desire to be with my husband. I'm not sure if I love him—he's the only guy I've ever dated—but I'm definitely not physically attracted to him. He's a really nice guy and I have a secure and stable relationship with him, but not much else. I know I let this situation get out of hand, but I just couldn't bring myself to break up with him because he has always been so good to me. What do I do now?

—Triste in Kansas

Dear Triste:

You situation is a tempting invitation to sermonize about the pitfalls of long-term exclusive relationships during adolescence, about the pros and cons of premarital sex, and about the roles that passion and desire, security and stability play in our lives. But this is not the place and we don't have the space. I've heard that it's possible to grow to love someone (think of cultures where marriages are arranged by the families, sight unseen). Sexual performance, like dancing, can also supposedly be learned. You've made a decision and you have to live with it—or not. You're only 20, and one day you may see a stranger across a crowded mall, and find yourself with butterflies in your stomach and tornadoes in your blood. Then, like Dorothy, you will not be in Kansas anymore.

—Follow the yellow brick road, D