Dear Jessica Alba

Hi, Jessica Alba! My name is – well, that doesn’t matter. We’re here to talk about you. Specifically, about your bangs. What. The. Fugly are you doing? I’m sorry. You’re a mother now; I should be kind, supportive and able to forgive you anything. But I can’t. Sorry. What –for the love of all things blunt and boring –are you thinking?!? They just hang there, annoying your eyebrows, stealing all their sunshine.

Now, see what you’ve made me do? You’ve made me go and use the dreaded question mark-exclamation point-question mark trio. Ugh, I shudder – at both my grammatical outrage and your forehead’s apparent need for anonymity. What? It’s for a new movie? You’re in character? Ooooh, I get it. AND I DON’T CARE! Get a clip-on piece for crying out loud.

Love the barrettes you put in Honor’s hair, though. Very cute.

With love – mean it!