Arg! Why are you doing this to me? I have deadlines, I have meetings, I don’t have time to think of a funny narrative about how this look is just too damn much! Chica, for serious, what is up with your makeup? Fuchsia eye shadow with fake lashes, black liquid liner, painted on eyebrows and red lipstick? And it’s topped off with wispy forehead hairs so short and crooked they can barely be called bangs. Honestly, haven’t you ever been tempted to try the natural look; you know, some tinted moisturizer, mascara and lip balm? You are beautiful—you know this, you sang a song about how beautiful you are—so why, why do you hide behind so much face paint?
Someone Who Means Well