Science Proves Jennifer Lopez Is God’s Most Perfect Human

Science Proves Jennifer Lopez Is God’s Most Perfect Human
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The data is in and the results are conclusive that Jennifer Lopez could well be most perfect human being in the world, according to this random scientist with a blog who says there’s no such thing as a perfect set of genes, but the women from Puerto Rico are close.

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We understand very, very little of Computational Biologist Lior Pachter’s research blog Bits of DNA, but what we do know is that he set out to discover which part of the world could produce a person with a “perfect” set of genes. He qualified a perfect set of genes (we think) as a collection of only the genes that have been classified as “good” by scientists in an online DNA database called SNPedia. According to Pachter, there are 4967 good genes with which to construct the “perfect” human being.

But, alas, it turns out, there’s no location on earth producing people with a perfect set of genes. HOWEVER, in the neighborhood of a perfect set of genes is a little island Ricky Martin likes to call his Puerto Rico and the perfect carrier of those genes? A Puerto Rican woman, natch.

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“The nearest neighbor to the “perfect human” is HG00737, a female who isPuerto Rican. One might imagine that such a person already existed, maybe Yuiza, the only female Taino Cacique (chief) in Puerto Rico’s history,” says Pachter.

Or one might realize such a person currently exists in our own time and that person is a bronze-bootied goddess called La Lopez.

Since many diseases are population specific, Pachter explains, it makes sense that a Puerto Rican would be a near perfect human. “In a ‘women in the diaspora’ study, he notes, “Puerto Rican women born on the island but living in the United States were shown to be 53.3±2.8% European, 29.1±2.3% West African, and 17.6±2.4% Native American. In other words, to collect all the ‘good’ alleles it is necessary to be admixed, but admixture itself is not sufficient for perfection.”

You knew J.Lo was a ‘round the way fillet. Now you know, what she’s really ‘round the way from is perfection.